Damn another injury!

30th Sept 2004 1.45 pm Cloudly Day.

Yesterday was raining heavy i was about to go for judo training i was quite fired up so a 4hr of training as i was walking down the steps near the post office i slipped ! well it sure wasnt a pretty sight, it happened so fast that the next thing i knew , i was on the floor of a wet and dirty floor ! well that place really quite a haszad when it rains ..... well i can tell one thing the office people really didnt help much ..... there was this indian old man that helped me up ....
well i did went to school with pain on my ass! i had to do a couple of stuff before i can have a rest this was where i relise i couldnt train for the day (damn it)
well i told jess that i had to skip training to go see a doc (she wasnt feeling that well too ... headaches) and i had to go back ... she decided to accompany me to see the doctor .. i asked if she really wanted to do that cause i know how she wanted to train.... she said that i accompany was more important .... i was so touched and guilty at the same time .... she told me its the first time that she ever stop doing something she liked and accompany someone..... at that time i felt like kissing her .... hugging her......
but when we got to SGH the clinic was closed ! (Damn it) so we had to go to my place and see the doc the next day.... she helped me put some med on my back....
she was so sweet and gentle ....... that makes me like her even more ..... sweetie thank you!

well today i went to the clinic for a x ray. lucky it was just a bruise ! meaning i can take my orange belt grading next week! hahahaha cool !

Lunar Moon Fest

29 Sept 2004 1.47 am warm night.

Well tonight was the lantern fest my gal and her classmates planned a outing at the bishan park to "Shang Yua" Damn today was tuesday where i had night class ... i promise my sweetie that i was going to be with her tonight coz its the first big fest since we are together and of coz must be there no matter what well lucky bishan park was near NYP .... after class ended around 930 pm i dash out of the class, my classmate called and said i forgot to hand in a report (so forgetful!) well lucky i was only about to go into the lift (lol)

Well took a cab to bishan park wow ! didnt know bishan park was so huge! lucky jess told me they are near the part of the park oppsite of the BP station ...

We took a little lantern and walked around the park but it was cloudy ... so didnt get to see the full moon much but i was happy .... so happy...... as we holded hands with a lantern in her hand ... walking along the pond side watching pple playing with fire sparkers and lanterns .... things was so peaceful....... we even sang a bit of oldies hehehehee......... so happy..

even time was very little cause she needed to go home before 12 ... and even we only spent 45 mins of the night togther ..... i feel it was like .... life couldnt be more happy..... i hope jess felt the same way too .... right sweetie?

I made a promise that i will bring her to bishan park again next year for lantern fest........

The day of sugar and spice....

26 Sept 2004 12.10 am warm night.

Well on 25th Saturday was full of memories (happy ones)
Jess was with me the whole day well i took her to have tanjong pargar's famous nasi lemak as promised (lucky it was opened)
when i met her in the morning oh dear her lips was so white and so pale ! it hurts my heart to see her like that....
Well after nasi lemak i guide her to the steps where it was near the flower shop..... cos i planned to give her flower... i chose the orange sunflower cos i knew that she likes light bright colours and how i felt what she means to me .....

mushy right? hehehehe well i dont care! as long she and i are happy

everything was so ..... happy unbelieveably happy!

everytime i hold her hand and she holds mine.....

but there are a bit of sadness in it ........ she know's i was going to someone's birthday someone whom i had a crush on a couple of yrs ago..... she said that i fall for one too easily ....... at that point i felt crush ......... crush that i still didnt gain my baby's trust and confident..... i felt like crying ....... but i was determind to show her that she is the only one in my mind and heart now ... the one and only! but she says that she's scared that i would fall for jody again ... and she would lost me .... baby you are not gonna lost me ! no where even near of losing me cos i like you so much !

the other thing was that she cried cos of a misunderstanding comment made by my best fren tyler ... which was meant for me not her .... i felt like a failure that i made my girl cry ... i was so helpless ..... i didnt do well as a bf role of not making my gal drop any tears....

but today was one of those sugar and spice plus everything nice days....
i want this kind of day to be everyday !

Dear! naan unnai kaathelikkirain!

24 Sept 2004

25 Sept 2004 2.18am cool night.

Well todays just a normal day loh.... manage to finish one of my projects .... damn tired to sit in front of a pc doing nothing but 3D machine stuff!(BORING) .... Damn my ass hurts... Well my day is very happy cause i was with my dear Jess the whole evening ..... well in judo training that is well i hope i'm not giving her any pressure...........but i will be behind her in training even if i cannot teach her any thing at least i can be with her in training .......... well training was cool (if u count letting ridhwan throwing you is fun ) wilson and ah tan came and had a few rounds of bout with me lol (long time nvr throw people liao hehehee)
but one things for sure i really need to buck up on my skills in judo.... slack too much liao!
JIA YOU!!!!!

UPs & DOWNs....

21th Sept 2004 1.13pm Rain

Well this whole week has been ups and downs for me .... but i am willing to accept what i am having cause i want to .....
My friends told me they were happy for me .... some said are you sure? but i dont care whether it's good or its bad as long that i am happy .... and she's happy its doesnt matter what's gonna happen in the future.... I DONT CARE ... the main thing now is that she's happy and i am happy..............
there is nothing to be sorry about ............ to me i am happy .............. thats what life is all about .... the only thing that i can control is .... my body...... my mind .......... my heart... my soul...... my liking...... my love for things i like......... my life.......... but i have never felt so happy before ....

Donno.... the taste......Bitter Sweet?

13 Sept 2004 1.16 pm cool day.

Well i woke up rather aching.... feels that the pain would go forever ...
life changed a lot for me .... really changed a lot .... more happy.... but as all i know in my life whenever there is something good happenin in my life ... after the happy stuff things are gonna get rough .. but this time i am gonna make things happy i will not give up like last time. Such things go in a cycle for me : good time to bad time. i want to break this cycle .....
i want to be happy ... not bitter sweet ... no more bitter sweet...... no more.

Bitter Sweet......

2.41 am wed 8 Sept 2004 warm night

well finally 2 of my common test is over a big relieve .... but yet i dont feel totally happy ... maybe because i should have done it better ...
well its always like that full of regrets .... do any of you feel regrets ... regrets of thing that your should have done but didnt .. well if everyone have foresights of their life everyone would be rich!
well after a bit of thinkin i feel that life is always bumpy ... always rough but do not feel regrets .. never ever .. if not when you lay on your death bed as you reflect what u have dont when you were living you will go happier.. enjoy and live to the fulliess
well i myself will try to !

What do i want to be when i grow up?.......

6th Sept 9.40 pm cool night.
What do i want to be when i grow up?.......
this is a very lame but common question that you would hear all the time through out your young life.

the irony is that if your the one who is being asked you would thinks lame but you would still answer that .

But do you really know what your really want to be?
Well most of us havent got a clue cause we are simply too busy keeping out wallet's full with money.
We no longer have the time to really think about it , very sad very.....

Woke up feeling empty........

11.30 am 5th Sept 2004 ... Bright .

Well woke up this morning feeling ................ fear inside......... emptiness inside............. confused inside............. must be the dream i had ... couldn't remember it ..... but what it left me was pure depression .. and a crying feeling.
As i woke up i said to myself"Damn it man this cannot go on my life cannot be filled with all these fears and emptiness i am still young ! i cant be such a weakling . Even though i wasnt the best i can try being one! .... I cannot be the weakling that i was last time"
i felt like screaming ! ..... Shouting seems to be the only thing that can let my feelings and frustrations out , always feel better after a good shouting. Some how me shouting makes people around me feels that i am agressive ...... well i am agressive when it comes to sports (its an army thing) where i can show passion and respect for the sport i am playing.

I always wish that this passion will go to my life ...

first of all....

cool my first blog ..... time 2.41 am 5th sept 2004 .....
for the past 1 or 2 years i always feel that blogs are the most stupid thing that has ever been invented well guess i have to eat my words.
Guess i am just want to make myself heard..... let myself out ...... to let people know that i am not just a aggresive look brute (hahaha)......