I feel greatness ahead of me....

The Banana Speaks

I feel greatness ahead of me.....

don't be mistaken this is not about me trying to say I got greatness ahead of me.

I was watching AXN waiting for one of my fave show House M.D. (highly recommended) but I was early so it was showing the realilty show the contender. Its a boxing realilty show where in the end the bottom from the 2 teams will have to fight it out.

well the black dude lost ... But you can just sensed he had given all his best, did not took any short cuts and just used all his heart.

well in the end he fall short... Painful even for me, a viewer to see

at the end of the show he just sits there.... Totally torn down, like an defeated dog, injured... Humiliated ... no not humiliated... not at all .....

its was a good fight ... he just fell short.

well the wife and baby daughter came in, he hugged the baby and cried .... the only time where i feel a man can cry is in front of his loved ones.... doesnt matter its family, gf, closed friends... a man have his rights to cry if he wants to....

the wife said "you did good ..... you did good... She (the baby ) doesnt know whether you win or lost. she doesnt see any difference it doesnt matter.... so do i ... as long you did what you had to d0 .... you did good"

he finished crying and got up and played with his daughter....

at the end of the show....

he said he gave all he could gave all there is to do in that competition. it may seem that he had lost but he gain... he gain a lot.... and he felt greatness ahead of him .... feel greatness ahead of him.....

could you guess what he gain?
i think i do ... and i hope thats what i and to have....

The Banana Have Spoken..... greatness ... ahead....

London Cab!

The Banana Speaks.

London Cab!

Well i was going to be late for work today (the 3rd time this month! )
The reasons? i guess its the steamboat that i at with dennis last night, reached home at about 2 a.m. in the freaking morning ! damn man ! this is not healthy man. Sleep after food! shit man.
well maybe thanks to last night, i get to have my first ride in a london cab!

Well here goes....

The Banana Speaks

Well here goes.....

Well basically I am mentally unstable... Reasons ...

imagine an engineer keep saying your a ta zha (clean up job) everything he makes a comment on you

i.e " ah ya you ta zha one no need to learn such things"

maybe its a joke ... But all the time?

strike one

your supervior keeps changing the project idea that was given to you but yet no support was given to you. Simply does not show any sense of appreciation of what you do till date.

being an intern not treated like human?

strike two

being stuck in a cabinet to do programming which you have to learn from scrap by yourself and keep doing those house keeping job that results in non - wafer experience learned during the attachment.

shouldn't I be learning some wafer stuff?

strike three

well the end result is not bad .
I get to know how to use Microsoft access,
discovering a new mental problem call
"cabinetites syndrome - cramp in a cabinet with f**k up people causing violent behavior"
how to deal with stress under a smock
by screaming under that smock where no one can see your facial expression

well for the pass 24 weeks of internship I have seen a major change in me ....

well phyically and mental

phyically
I have become more fatter

mental
I get angry easily, lazy to do stuff and emotional

wow this syndrome is the next big thing for me

basically is I am going crazy

first thing after my attachment is to go for anger management, gym and a vegan food bar

I really cannot imagine me working in a very hostile environment like this when I finish diploma
well my friends are right its lucky to be studying!

I have become an human attacking bear like what Tyler have describe me as!

well last time I am a honey loving bear .. Only attacks when there is not honey.

but now .... Well lets just bring the tranquilizer in shall we?

i simply cannot control my emotion these days ... damn it I am like a woman!

shit its making me look so gay and some more a very ugly gay!

these 24 weeks really gave me a very hard time ..... cant blame any one but me

all i am now is a broken teddy bear wanting to be hug..... a hug from princess

The Banana Have Spoken......

hrm....summery

The Banana Speaks

hrm.....

Well woke up feeling like shit ... didn't know what to do .... don't really feel like working cause there is pratically nothing for me to do.....

the feeling is just rotten.

well emotion is what drives me .. is the only think that keeps me alive....

i think its gone .. and i am dead

The Banana Have spoken

it hurts

The Banana Speaks

It hurts

well i just want to do what i feel what a boy would do for a gal
when she is tired he give her a call.... to cheer her up

but in mine it doesnt work that way...

if i call if she works.... i will be scold...

i always tot that would be very sweet

The Banana have Spoken

Wow.....

The Banana Speaks

Wow......

wow for the first time in my life you would feel that you just wanna know you self in the wall and bleed to death..... i guess there is nothing more painful than this huh....

the chest still have that sharp pain that bothers me the whole day....

The Banana have spoken!

Well... its not what you expected huh

The Banana Speaks...

Well... its not what you expected huh

well today should be a good day... but it turn out to be a normal day as usual.

damn its raining again... hrm .... well fits the screen anyway.

my chest now has a very sharp pain..... donno why

The Banana Have spoken

Finally!!!!

The Banana Speaks

Finally!!!!

Finally!!! its gonna be friday tomorrow!

well there are many good reasons for me to blog about at 8 am in the freaking morning!

first, my final week of attachment is coming! final week = Zho bo lan!!!!

who in the hell would go bother a person when its his last week on the job!

second, my baby's exam is over today!!!

it's a long long wait and enduring period!!!! yes yes i did bother her a couple of times, sorry baby!
but is because i miss her... a lot

these few weeks was really a pure touture !

she's busy with exam .
my buddy's all studying busy
judo have do stop for a while due to exam
my attachment is like F**K~!

well you feel like hitting your head on the wall and bleed to death.... (hrm i think i used that before on my previous blog)

its because the 4 important things in my life was simply not around at this point of time where is touture!

.My Good Friends (Tyler and Porky)
they are always around when you need help, i feel kinds sad that they are currently at a different stage of life. we suddenly have more and more less stuff to talk about. i am so alone, yes there are things we can't do together. but i do wish we can do things a lot together. cause i treasure this friendship. we have known each other near 20 years. there are periods where we do our stuff these 20 years not bothering each other. but we now are together hanging out.. and i hope we can carry on like this until we see each other in another world.

.My Family
They are one of the pillers of my life. keeps me running... its been aeons since we have a decent dinner together as a family.

.Judo
A sports where i found more fun than basketball (a sport where i have played since teens) but i am still stuck at a very premature level of skill even though i am a green belt. the rush when you step on the mat is like taking a roller coaster ride!

.Jessice
My love, We may have a lot of ups and downs but for 1 year i know that things are not just 1 way, it's a 2 way thing. my wish now is to know you more so more that when you lift an eyebrow i would know what you want. don't you too want that ? the future is unknown to us, we would not know where we will be down the road but i always think there is always light to guide you and me along. i am the 10 red roses and 10 white roses person hehehee

Now that most of the things are kinda back in to my life.... i feel much much more better....
i can breath......

The Banana have Spoken~!

Rainy Day.......

The Banana Speaks

Rainy Day.....

its a monday morning....
currently working .... what the hell ... working? lol what work....
i can't say my life is miserable ... its just i donno how to orgnize it properly ...
its kinda empty at the moment....

for the first time of my life i feel like knocking my self on the wall and bleed to death...

wouldn't it be nice to have things your own way all the time?
hahaha but we all have to admit... you can't have it always your F**king way ..
.. well unless your capable i mean really capable...

well i see my self currently as not capable to do so ....

depression is part of what i am ... but i hope to throw it a way

my best friends have moved on to another stage of life
i am still at a stage where immature is a problem..

it bites ..
but can't do anything about it but to grow i guess.

i donno what i want now ... yes i know

there is a list of must to complete ....

hrm .... list .... screw it ... i dont need a list ... i do what i want

alone i am

think i have gotten use to be alone ... kinda liked it

the reason why i wish i wanna train more on judo more ... is because i love it, i love the rush when you step on the mat.... but time blocks me ....

the reason why i wish i can hang out more with tyler and porky more is that they are my best friend... cause they helped me in time of need ..and not because we know each other for near 20 years... but they can't always be there... they are at a different stage now ....

the reason why i wish to go out with Jess more ... is cause i love her... i care for her... i have to admit i still got tons of things i donno about her.... i want to know .,.. but she can't always be there.... her family restricts her... she has her friends and own future ... she can't stick with me all the time....

the reason why i wish know my family more is ... just because its my family ... no more reason for that ... basiclly no reasons for this... cause i just wanna

all of the above is what is important to me ...

no reasons

there are times it does not go your way....

well what can i say?

its a very rainy day .....

do what your gonna do .....

get a rain coat by your self ... dont expect others to get it for you.....


The banana have spoken.....

Yellow Ribbon

The Banana Speaks.

Yellow Ribbon

Well i am now wearing a Yellow ribbon today to support the Yellow Ribbon Project.
i was going out to work this morning i found this ribbon lying near my family's gohonzon
and to me i just went hrm.... why not!



i took it and wore it

on the MRT i at first feel quite ma lu to have a ribbon pin on my t shirt but i told myself its for a good cause. As i look up i saw this man wearing a yellow ribbon.. that makes me feel better and finally understand how meaningful this project is.

this is the first time i wore such ribbons....

at first i dont give a shit as i felt it was stupid, a simple waste of material.

well this may not change my total mindset of such things but at least i will wear a ribbon if i feel that that cause is a good cause.

i have never gone to jail or such places before.

i cannot imagine the feeling where the whole world simply place a living 'death' sentence on those who turned around.

so maybe by wearing a yellow ribbon today made me understand by wearing it you let people remember this cause.

sorry Lance Armstrong .... i personally feel the rubber band thing is a very stupid idea.
its a simple waste of resources.
if it was a ribbon or some thing more meaningful i would then wear it.
no offence


To all my friends who read this please give a comment or tag me to send out a messenge!


Help Unlock The Second Prison!
Wear A Yellow Ribbon Today!



The Banana Have Spoken!

My Stuff

The Banana Speaks.

Stuff i Own.

Well these are the stuff i normally carry around me .



My Trusty Nokia 6100. lets people track me where ever i go ...( damn it can it ring for a moment!)



The Deodrant sPray i use.... ( shit no matter how much i use the stink still there! IS that Dog shit!)



Er.....What this Maxim With An Angel Doing here! er. .... i dont usually bring it around with me all the time....... Cause its Lin Chi Ling !!!!!

Damn that horse for making her suffer!!!!!!

Jessica Honey ! i still love you!!!! Don;t worry there is nothing between me and Chi Ling!


The Banana Have Spoken!

The Advantures of Cloney The Clone Trooper!

The Banana Speaks.

The Advantures of Cloney The Clone Trooper!

Todays advanture is about our hero battling his arch enermy claws!



Cloney : Stick'em up Claws your cornered! Lets settle this once and for all!

Claws : hahaha am i cornered?! i dont think so my young clone trooper!



Claws brings out the Maxiem!

Claws : A step closer i will claw Lin Chi Ling!

Cloney: ( Take a deep breath ) You wouldn't Dare! You Fend!

How would Cloney save the Maxiem from Claws's er ................. Claws !

Stay Tune to the next EP of The Advantures Of Cloney The Clone Trooper!




The Banana Have GONE CRAZY!!!!

Basically...

The Banana Speaks.

Basically.....

I am down ... i mean a lot.

i reliese my daily shit is wake up go to work (well if you call stoning work) wait for lunch, wait for the company bus to take you to the MRT .. reach home, play a bit of game, dinner.. TV sleep...

shit this is crap....

The Banana have spoken.

The Idealist And The Big-Thinker

The Banana Speaks.

The Idealist and The Big - Thinker

Well me and the clicks were hanging out last night having some drinks near clake quay .. talking about what they want for the current moment. Porky wants to just finish his freaking degree at the moment. Tyler cant do much now but finish NIE . As for me? Finish my diploma next year and get ready for the real world ...

well all these are really planned out for the 1 to 2 years or so.

Well these few hang outs... I know more of my buds .. We have known each other for like near 20 years ... tell me how many friends can u know for 20 years? I am fortunate ... really am


Porky and Tyler feel that they are idealist .. they almost think alike in most of the views....

This is what i found about being an idealist over the net

Summary of Idealists:

-Make sense of the world using inner values

-Focus on personal growth and the growth of others

-Think of themselves as bright, forgiving and curious

-May sometimes appear stubborn

More about Idealists

Idealists put time and energy into developing personal values that they use as a guide through life. They may seek fulfilment by helping others improve themselves and often want to make the world a better place. Idealists only share their inner values with people they respect.
Idealists enjoy discussions about a wide range of topics, particularly those that deal with the future.

They are typically easy-going and flexible, but if their values are challenged they may refuse to compromise.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Idealists may have trouble expressing themselves and withdraw. Under extreme stress, Idealists may become very critical of others, or lose confidence in their own ability to cope.
Recognition for their work is important to Idealists; however, they are also good at spotting false praise.


As for me i though i was always a realist ... but after taking a BBC test hrm ... i was suprise
i am a Big thinker! WTF?



Summary of Big-Thinkers

-Outspoken, ingenious and bored by routine

-Think of themselves as talkative, curious and self-sufficient

-May neglect the routine work required to make their plans successful

More about Big-Thinkers

Big Thinkers are always looking for the next big idea or opportunity. They’re adept at spotting trends and thinking on their feet.
Big Thinkers like to jump in and find innovative solutions to complex problems and are good at developing strategies for the future.
Big Thinkers are usually curious, logical and energetic.
This chatty group enjoys a good debate and asserting their opinions.
Sometimes others may find the way they express their ideas too abrupt or challenging.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Big Thinkers may be rude, critical of others or rebellious.
Under extreme stress, Big Thinkers can become preoccupied with unimportant details and lose sight of the 'big picture'.
Big Thinkers may ignore important details in their plans and overlook the impact their ideas have on the people around them.

Big-Thinker Careers
The entrepreneurial spirit of the Big Thinkers often leads them to seek new challenges; this is often more important to them than working in a particular field or a specific career.

WOW.......

well there are some parts of the thing is real ....

but all i can say is f**k lah yes we know what kind of person we are and the overall thing is you just got to do what you got to do ...

The Banana Have Spoken

Well..... So Far

The Banana Speaks

Well...... So Far.....

normal i can... well acutally very boring .... and normal ... everythings seem to be like a routine... i wake up go to attachment... wed go to judo training ... friday go to judo training ... no that i dont like judo training ... but its the routine ... ahhhh boring !

can't help it ... Baoling is studying hard for exam (Jia You dear),
the rest of the judo club are mostly studying for exam
me mates .. Tyler and Porky are doing their own studying ....

Damn am i the only one not studying?!

well at least the training stops for like 2 weeks ! oh Great no judo too?! lol

this really shows how limited your life can be ...

does it means more DOTA for me? hrm as much as i like that damn game..... i got to get a decent thing to do ... maybe some hobby like paint a picture or something.... hahha
well its time to hit the dvd player and watch me some films

wait wait

those about activities are not me!
i am Ay Deng ! i dont do stuff like that i got things to do ! my final report is due next week.

damn time really flies when your work piles up like mount everest.

well my attachment is soon over thats where the fun being !

its like ages since i am able to really enjoy a holiday ... well this maybe the last holiday where i am going have as a student...

after that its joining the work force of singapore!!! yae.......

so its training training and training

well i am getting fat so ... take this time to sweat my ass off and do what i like best ....

The Banana Have Spoken!

Boring day 2

The Banana Speaks!

Boring Day 2

Well i am bored i am bored .....

today morning - wake up go work
today afternoon - stone
today afternoon - stone some more ......


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

The Banana Have Split!

Buddies night!

The Banana Speaks!

What a night....

Well its like 3 30 in the afternoon, i just woke up hahaha cannot feel part of my body damn still tired !

well its no wonder as i just got home around 8 + in the freaking morning! hhahahahaa

well its kinda one of those nights where you have good fun.

for those who know me. i dont club or drink so its not those piss drunk nights hahahaa.

well this was what happen:

yesterday night i was playing dota cause no ones free to hang out with (my ling ling was working ) things were starting to turn sleepy. Tyler called up to say wanna hang out at some pub..... i was quite rejecting the idea cause i am saving up money for some other stuff... but still agreed to go along as its a saturday night and freaking hell not going to stay home to play dota . as much as i like the game but i am still a normal human hahahaa.

well we met up at city hall mrt station... freaking hell i saw a bunch of guys saying good bye ! not that hugging good bye is no okie but they were hugging in a womans way.... so we all guess lah.....hahahaha

we then took off to mohd saltan to check out this club sound bar . well thats what he wants to go as what he heard the club's kinda neat

the reason for him to ask me hang out was the previous event got cancelled and dont wanna go out with tomas to some night club ... so he ask me out....

tyler you prick! i play second fiddle?! F**k lol

Well we started walking around the whole club area trying to find a decent place to hang out during that part i intro him to this joint call the book club, a place where serene intro to me. he liked it, gives him a study feeling LOL!!!

As we got to the sound bar .. we called porky to hang out ... usually when its late he would usually skip it. but very surprise! he said okie . after his dota games at a lan shop he will come look for us.

well tyler wanted to go get a fag so we went to a convient store. damn no nets ! so we have to go to the nearest ATM to draw money .... guess what its at UE square! f**k! so far!

okie nevermind ... so we walked back sultan and as we reach the ATM. We were like f**k it lah forget about going back to the sound bar lah not worth the walking back....

ended up at clake quay's TCC we talked about shit load of stuff ... until porky and binghua came .

Well we talked about stella's issue lol and how we laugh about how porky gave tyler advices while he is drunk!

Well lets just say tyler just took the advice and went stright ahead (Damn you porky! hahahaha)

well the result is not that bad as i just described... well to me i think the current thing to do is damage control. lay low for a while and be friendly.

i happen to bump into priscilla, the vice-capt of the kayaking team at the TCC that night.

after all those crapping at TCC we decided to go to the good old prata shop at outram for some bite. i ordered a nice plate of mee goreng (sorry dear but i didnt have a decent dinner) we joined up table with porky's dota clan whom happens to be there after the lan dota battle.

well some of the people the i knew from secondary.. as much ask i know them there there are one or two of them i dont want to give a shit about.... i don't wanna name them.... so being a noob (newbie) dota player myself, i could catch some of the things they said. This is the time where i try to leach some dota tips ... well the first thing i found out is i need to own in the Bnet world before i can join the ranks of porky & co. well its just a game to me lol so i will just want to own in the Bnet thats all hahaha. As for Tyler who never played dota before was just sitting there trying to understand WTF were they talking about... lol seems to me he has gotten interested....

After that porky suggested to tyler to go to his place to drink beer and hang out.... and talked about the stella issue... well as tired as i was i decided to tag along ... well i really dont want to feel left out among the 3..

first is buy beer
second is walk up to the small slope
third is into the apt and up to his home

there porky showed how dota was played to tyler... well its time to pick up a few tips from him as well lol.

follow that we went to the hall opened the beer. well i was not drinking so i just relax there and enjoy the smoke that the 2 blow out lol.... well its like a monthly or foremonthly thing that we do.
3 good friends sitting around talking and updating....

first we talked about stella . follow by porky's 1 week long love relationship with vivian...

it seems like compare to his previous love for 5 years, this 1 week relationship really made him grew and understand what he wants ! wow!

well he seem happier now .. a more joyful friend . which is a good thing...

well throughout the night, we also talked about what first impression we give to other people.

Porky - Gives a bit playboy playboy image but yet a very confident feel
Tyler - Gives a cannot be serious image ( he is working on that now)
Me- The stren and angry look when i dont smile/a from all boy school look (WTF?!)

well guess whose the ogre now! lol !
well i really don't people to look at me like that. makes people want to keep a distance's from me lol as if i am gonna kill them and eat their children ! lol

well during the talk ... i found that the reason we are good friends its cause we have different lifestyle and unrelated girlfriends and stuff....

i mean we go out living out on our own life ... then come together to hang out ... like a buddy session.

we played a personalilty test, how we see each other as.
if i was not wrong there was sky, lake, sports car, wind , small farm, cloud and more ...

Tyler chose cloud for porky and small farm for me
Porky chose wind for me and cloud for tyler
i choose the sports car for both of them .

well in the end i was actually hating them.... well no lah i don't hate them just maybe envy.
on the hate list i got a full name list liao and believe me they are not on the list.

well i know that they 2 were idealist... total different from me.. well to me life .. is like simple... i want things to be simple and stuff so safe... where they want exciting lifestyle and always want to push the danger button.....

risk takers....
sounds new to me.....
some times i ask myself do i want to be a risk taker too?

well you know what? it's 8 something in the morning ! lol
i couldn't believe we talked so much in a whole night?

The Banana Has Spoken!

Bored

The Banana Speaks!

Bored To Tears!

Well i am so F**King bored now in the office... well there ARE stuff for me to complete but due to the lack of superivors on my back today( due to on leave and off ), i just simply hack care....
Just received an e mail from my boss who is off today! Damn it man even on your off day you still want to hunt me down with work!

Thinking of not coming to work tomorrow sat .... had been coming to work on sat for the past 2 weeks to make up for the time offs i took.... F**k it not decided not to come... no bosses on sat anyway....

well theres the "NEW" DVD player my dad got for only 30 ! well the reason for such a price cos its a display set from courts .
Ah Ya can play dvd can liao

So bring out the Pop Corn and Beers !

finally able to see a decent dvd on the TV instead of a PC monitior.....
SOOOOOO Sharp!

Now i am trying to convince my boss to let me off early today to slack off.....

The Banana Has Spoken!

Wah!

The Banana Speaks.

Wah Finish

Wah i cannot believe it i finish a simple instruction guide for my database program.... with in a day !
well say simple but a lot of instruction have to be place in words..
thats the bad part
i can explain to the people how it works and stuff but when it comes to writing a guide ....DAMN!

i salute those books for dummies people!

to teach a person in words is no easy task!

somemore the usage of picture is also a lot of work - copy and paste so many time i felt like sleeping!

The Banana has spoken!

Green Belt But Green Lvl?

The Banana Speaks!

Green Belt But Green Level?

Well i should be happy today cause just finished my judo grading yesterday.
but i am not .....
by the rank i am a 3rd kyu judoka.
but my skill is no where near there.. it really saddens me as i couldn't even get a full ippon these days in normal randori...

FYI for those who donno judo
Randori = Free sparring or free play.

i must train.... really must...

i alway told the rest of the judokas junior than me:
you must make your worth of your colour belt.

so for me i must set an example...
to make my colour belt worth ...
let that belt be worthly of me....

After the training we went to the mac in the campus to have dinner.
i went to sit with ah tan, jane, YZ and WS to talk a bit of cock
i told jane i i should stop cracking sex jokes cause its not good for the image.

WHAT IMAGE? hhahahahaahaha

well she wanted to hear the jokes..... er....

i was like er..... you sure anot ?

well then Kenneth asked me to tell her
the pick mushroom joke
the Red army joke
and the famous 30 men and 1 women on an island joke.

She laugh until no ones business! shit i feel like villian liao hahaha telling a young girl sex jokes!

well dont look at me with that look hehehee
well its no my fault hehehe she seems to like the jokes what!

well at least i feel even by cracking a couple of low graded jokes can make the dinner quite fun
better than making a fool out of your self to make people laugh right?



The Banana has Spoken!