I have no respect under my name

31th Oct 2004 , 10:18pm windy night

am i a man...? i do wonder sometimes do i have balls .... i just want to have happy situation around me .... i may be the older of the 2 but yet i have no respect whatsoever . why having a mindset of being simple and wants no trouble mean no respect in the family ... i do all i can for the family i love my family but i have no respect... i maybe lazy but not useless... i may not be wise but not stupid .... i dont deserve being look down upon like a fool a useless fool ... i maybe big built but yet weak inside i want to be a gentle person .... i dont like fights i dont like qurrels within does that mean i have no respect from people whom are close to me? i may do foolish things once in a while but not stupid things to hurt people ... i am being look down upon by someone whom acheive more than me which when i was at that age cannot acheive so? does that give me no right to be equal to him or her? it burns .... it hurts .... it slice me straight in half ..... i am a human ! i got feelings i am not a servant who just buys dinner home .... imagine u are like a blanket when the user feels cold u are useful if not your just a cloth.

doesnt mean i dont do certian things in front of people doesnt mean i never do them .
do i have to show these people that i do that? what do u feel? do u think its right? do i have to show them that?

I have lost all my esteem in my name i am nothing than a runner in the surname. A big overgrown brainless servent whose self esteem can be step upon... i am worthless in my surname. i dont get respect cause i didnt study well and make mistake .... NO ONE'S PERFECT!
doesnt mean your a couple of level above others gives u the rights to laugh and insult others!

i had enough ....

i feel like a condom .... throw upon use ..

i have no respect under my name.....