Reinvention Or Revolution?! I call it Viva La' Alevolution~!

Cooking, Art, Design & Sports

2008-08-12T12:04:00.006+08:00

Well lets talk about the first 2 things which interests me.

"Mother Nature greatest gift to us are the thousands and thousands of smells and flavors for us to create endless good dishes! "

Cooking - hell all my friends knows i love my food. From the salad to the charred lamb ribs.... Damn i will eat them all... that is of course the reason for me being the size i am now. (Haha)
But only a handful knows i love to cook.. to cook for anyone who dares to try my dishes.
Well i hope the 3 years at Pan Pacific will help me on my cooking.

"Colours are like the ingredients,
Art is like cooking where the mixture of colours creates art and mixture of ingredients creates dishes"

Art - Well i only like certain art. Art where Its the colours and the way its being used in painting, photos or even buildings. The way it brings out the feeling of what the artist wanted to express.
Great Paintings like the sunflower, The Mona Lisa, even the Last supper. All which express the great artist's feeling. This part of my interest which helps in my way of cooking.

"To paint is art.. To create creative art is Design"

Design - Well i am not much of a designer but i love the the different designs that are out there...
Designs like working out an alternative way or view point of an existing art form. Different point of expression or different application of the same art. Fusion, Oriential, Western, Tribal... Millions of art form but applying art to daily life is Design.

"A painting or design without passion is just simply arranged colours or idea"

Sports- I may look fat but i do different kinds of sports, Judo, football, basketball, badminton... All kinds but all have the same fundamentals which can relate to your daily life.. that is the passion and competitive spirit which drives men's improvement and success in other aspects of life. Why this related to cooking... without the passion in cooking, Chinese seifu would not have the "ho hei" or cooking heat. Or you hot steak would just taste meaty without any good red wine sauce. Competitive spirit where drives people to create and design new stuff, better the old or creating a new taste or trend.

08 - 08 - 08

2008-08-08T10:52:00.002+08:00

Huat Huat Huat!!!

Well today's date should be very auspicious date if your chinese the number 8 sound like huat (hokkian) or Fuat (Cantonese).

The down point that its in the Lunar 7th Month... Chinese Ghost month for those how do not know Chinese tradition, the month where all the ghost of the underworld comes back to earth for holiday (Well behaved ghost that is)

Funny that China is playing host to the Olympics chose a date of such...

Maybe of the communist term they do not believe in the ghost month i guess..

Vomit Blood

2008-08-07T14:33:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was quite a vomit blood day... was sick with gastric cramps....

sleepy...

and most of all a silly woman i know keeps telling me that her Ego is hurt cause this guy she dates feel her looks are so so only.

really shaking my head there... i mean hey all women has the right to be beautiful and happy...

if that guy you date hurt your feeling by saying your not that pretty....

Just cause of this she feels she cannot accept him anymore...

I can understand the kanna hurt part... but

fucking hell tell him!! ahyo ... sit there feeling sad that ego got hurt ...

I advice her ... 1 way that that guy your hurt by that or find a another guy who feels your beautiful.

she want both ... she want that guy to say she is beautiful truthfully.

this shows 2 things....

1 Pride
2 Vain

I learn that if you really like him or her ... he or she is the most beautiful thing on earth.
Does it mean that he don't see you as hot as other means he will not love you more?

bullshit

its the inside that counts..... if your ugly and vain inside.... no matter how pretty and perfect outside... your still flawed...

this world is flawed, every one is flawed.....

Beautiful lies in the eyes of the beholder.

yes the above are cliche lines...

but its Fucking true...

So gentlemen don't always let your dick do the thinking when it comes to girls

and ladies...

Beautiful is a yes but temporary.

P.S. Guys please always remember
rule no 1: always always! tell your gf or wife she is the most beautiful woman in the world.

Fear

2008-08-04T16:52:00.003+08:00

Quote from the NBA Playoff

" There are so many emotions at the end of the game
Nobody wants to talk about it.
And one of them is fear
Fear that you come this far and it can all end,
Your dreams could die.
For me?
I like the fear...
It means i am getting closer
It means i am ready."

Don't Dream... Stop Winding

2008-07-15T14:07:00.002+08:00

I just sat at a stairway of my company building... thinking to my self the number of items which i have screwed up and sat on .... tons hahaha....

for a period of 6 months i have did a lot of wrong ... which should not be happening...

i always complain that i do not have the information do not have that ...

all these complaining really is not what my father have taught me ....

to be a man.

be someone whom a woman can be dependent on...

the world seem to have crumbled on me...

being too emotional .. being so unprofessional ..

not much of a man i am.

i been living in this self world ...

there for i have set myself a couple of targets .. small ones for a start.

1) Cut down my weight (Healthy reason)
2) Act immediately which is don upon me (Work improvement)
3) Clear my debts by year end(Finance settle)
4) Get my license (for future plans)
5) For someone to notice me (every time i see her... damn )

all small but workable ...

I am tired .. but i got to move.....

Disappointed

2008-06-24T13:50:00.002+08:00

Well Disappointed as it is, I received news from my Boss i am unable to go vienna for a show cause i am doing F1 ...

for the next 5 years, July to Sept i will be Singapore bounded ... kinda disappointing cause i always looking forward to going oversea to do assignments.

The irony part is that i don't even like F1 where some of my friends would give a kidney to catch it live! what kind of stupid sport... all you see are cars running at 300km per hr in circles! *yawn.....

Being an OE i got no choice of selections. On a professional point of view i am going to deal with it as a project which will be a good profile for my resume.

On a personal level, i curse this F1 prison chain which has sentence me to 5 years of imprisonment.

I will be willing even to go to India for shows rather than stuck in Singapore doing F1 which i least desire.

The main attraction of this job was the traveling ... see the world and culture of different corners while working.

but now .... curses.... this F1....

Disappointed..

I better get to go Paris, France this Oct if not i will KP to my boss

After 9 Years .... Champions Again!!

2008-05-22T06:00:00.005+08:00

After 9 Years since 1999 ...... 22nd of May 2008

WE ARE CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE AGAIN!!!!!!

wow such a great feeling that was....

its 6 am in the morning Singapore time

it was really a very emotional night for me ...

woke up only to see the second half where Chelsea was the better team ... Man Utd was like a second best team... the endless rush of attacking football was simply not there... and its still 1 - 1!

kinda disappointed ... as i always hate to see penalty shoot outs especially that my favorite team is playing like its former self in the second half.

Devil's Luck i should say..

Finally PENALTY SHOOTOUT!

when Ronaldo's shot got saved, my heart sunk....

In my mind i had set s percentage that the blue colour would rule the red square of Moscow that night..

But i didn't switch off my TV cause i didn't want to repeat my silly thing in 99 when Man Utd was down 1-0 and its at 87 mins ...

at that point i was a shame to call my self a man utd fan...

I stood by the team which i have been supporting since i was a teen...

when John Terry missed ... i was even nervous as now its sudden death ...

I have to agree ... Keeper of Man Utd must wear Green!!!!

The Great Dane Peter Schmicheal wore green

Now Van Der Sar too wore green!!!

When he saved that shot ... I couldn't scream for joy ... i cried ...

tears of joy....

tears of joy.....

I stood by my team ...

The Red Square is now even Redder!!!

Manchester United FC are once again Champions of Europe!!!!

Respect..

2008-05-21T23:53:00.002+08:00

"We all want respect
you want it from your team mates
from the fans

you want it from other players
there is a million ways to get respect

but there is only one way to get the kind of respect that is undeniable

the kind that can never take from you......

Win...."

The Lion needs to Roar again .....

2008-05-19T22:33:00.002+08:00

Well its pass my birthday already...

3 more years to 30...

such thinking of mine should be destroyed

this will only hinder me ....

i have to admit i have a lion's pride .... the fucking Ego is as big as the world....

i see the things which i can achieve is not done.

good work, savings, good health .... all of such is currently falling short

i love my work really... but i ask my self am i doing the correct thing or have i lived enough to reliese that i am going to die with regrets, going back to ryojusen with guilt in my heart that i am going to be a useless person in this life time...

I met up with Alan today..a fellow mate whom i know from poly

during NS he was fat ...

now he is fit and good . in just half a year ..

its all about the mind set...

i am really sick of myself

since i got dumped the 2nd time via sms

i really hate to look myself in the mirror ..... trying to find the charming person in me again...

i feel angry at myself ... the screaming is always trying to come out....

Bruce Banner trying to push Hulk back in ...

I say screw it ..

I have got to unleash the lion inside of me ... use all this ego .. these emo should be place into good use

its the same old evil cycle .

i am not going to brag about it..

half a year... half a year i give my self again .

now i will shut up ~

half a year later ... the lion will once again roar...

Happy Birthday?

2008-05-07T22:57:00.002+08:00

Well ... Happy birthday to me?

hehe its kinda strange that once again its 8th may

the day when terece teng passed away .... also my birthday

every time during my birthday, the momorial for this great singer always comes on on all taiwan tv channels hahaha.

this year i really have nothing much to wish for but for good health for my family, my self and all my close machi

i believe good luck has always don upon me since i was young... the catch is that i always screw up at the end of the crital period...

I have an experiance to tell and prove that mothers always have the ability to make you awake and reminds you that she is always able to control you or crush you hahaha...

we were having this mom and son chat after i got dumped.... lol she suddenly reminded me that 3 more years i will be 30!!!!

hahaha well there is this chinese saying 1 sentence is enough to awaken you ...

it really hit me at that point of time...

wow ... i always tot i am no where 30 ....

she sort of slammed a huge sledge hammer on my head hehehe...

Well i am really trying hard to be a better person before i am 30 ...

thats the simple thing i wish for...

be a better man....

Relax

2008-05-05T12:59:00.002+08:00

Well just simply sitting at a comfortable chair while writing this piece ... realising what life can be more sweeter if you have been through hell..

well my line of work it tough ... really really tough... endure the ever changing minds of clients, tight tight deadlines .. angry carpenters...

ha ha now i am just sitting at a Starbucks drinking a critic drink... some how i found a bit of peace..

We are always given a choice ... the choice can be made by our own hands...

I chosen this but i never regret it now i just want to feel good when i see that first light comes ..

Back

2008-05-04T23:42:00.002+08:00

Well ...

My blog is back but some how for now i got nothing much to tell that
i changed to my dream job and i am just feel empty...

need some place to voice out ....

2008-05-04T23:42:00.000+08:00

Brake!!!

2007-05-01T01:26:00.000+08:00

Damn its been arons since i type anything on my blog ... parking here to waste the internet space....

well been really busy with my work and work...

damn i pissed at the senior who is teaching me the ropes of hitachi elevators....

well the only good thing he has is that he allows me to see if i carry living like this i would 1 day turn in to him and be the jackass of hitachi ...

ah screw him ... will work hard to make him look really really bad...

time really flies ...

all the crazy things happen in the past... well not crazy but more of stupid things...

how i wish i dont do them .. but hey its me

the dumbass .. haha

now i wish i put on the brakes of my life ... i reliese that i have been rushing my life through ... nothing has been achieved ... i am 26 soon i have nothing in my pocket which i can be proud of ...

its sure gonna be a long road of rebuilding ...

i want to be successful in what i do ...

i want to be merry ... really really merry ...

i am looking for my centre of circle hahaha

so many overdue things i have not done

well those which have pass its expire date i will throw them away

have to be adult about it ... damn i hate this part

its like drinking bitter med but its good for you makes you better....

well drink up bitch! and wake up...

take the red pill already!!!!

Pay bill until Weak knee

2007-01-25T01:28:00.000+08:00

Chinese new year is coming....

well i maybe practicing ND buddhism, i am also a chinese . i do believe in owing people money over the chinese new year is bad luck.

so i did something very very BRAVE today.

today is my pay day . with in 5 mins i cleared 1k worth of debts and bills....

KNNCCB!

i pay until my legs gone weak!

but this is a lesson well learn

as i am writing this blog my fucking brain is in a complete blank.

i have no idea how am i going to celebrate chinese new year and buy new clothes for CNY

i feel like fucking crying
but inside i told my self i deserved it and must pay the debts

a fellow guy from the office said this all the time
i qoute
" come out play one , one day your still going to pay back all"

its so fucking true....

in correct english (correct me if i am wrong)

"there will be a day when u have to pay your dues"

for me the time is now.......
i am bleeding now

but i am staying positive cause i believe when feb come all the money i have earned will all be mine for the taking and will not need to pay any one any more money ( well except for bills la )

and good luck will befall on me and my family which will get me out of this debtfull shit hole which we are in .

nam myoho renge kyo, nam myoho renge kyo, nam myoho renge kyo!

22nd Jan 2007

2007-01-22T22:42:00.000+08:00

well today is a tiring day ... its been arons since i blog in.

well its been a very emotional day ....

the feeling in the office is like i am being left out of the circle ...
due to the fact i am just not as much of a drinker ... a fucker like the main players.

which indirectly causes my boss to feel that i am a underperformer.

i love my job . honestly the challanges, the company as a whole . but its not that simple as i think it was...

am i too childish? simple minded? ya i trust people too easily .
too direct . gets emotional easily ...

sounds like a girl huh ...

being simple minded wrong?
being trustful ... wrong?

then wat is right in this world?

guess i should be in the 50s 60s then die in the 2000
its where the time is more trustworthy dont u think?

tired

2006-12-15T01:02:00.000+08:00

i am very tired ....
some times i feel that i could turn back time lol ... the things i did was stupid and plain dumb ass..

i am trying hard to be a better person ....

found a job i love
refound my faith
but some thing is still missing...

haha i guess its the holidays ... cause i will be spending it with friends again...

Everythings falling apart

2006-12-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

Well donno y everythings not quite the smooth way this few weeks.... maybe its my daimuku not enough...

you just feel that your like a butter being stretch over too much bread..

i want to do everything to my best.
my work
my faith
to my family
to my good friends

but some how somethings missing in me .....
i feel very very tired at some pt.

but when i read this sentence by Sensei.

If you practice faith yet have an attitude of complaint, you will destroy your good fortune in direct proportion. Those who are full of complaint are not respected by others. From both Buddhist and secular perspectives, their behavior does not befit a wise or worthy person.

Makes really good sense.

I really need to pick up my tired piece.
the only problem is that i dont spend enough time with family and friends

Review

2006-11-13T00:54:00.000+08:00

Well ...
how should i place it ... since i refound my faith , life in general was getting better . a job which i like . activities which allows me to be a wiser person ...

i feel great..
but it just a bottom of the mountain ...
i am still mortal
i still feel angry , sad , fear and in general down ...

but now i can reapproach the gohonzon for a booast for my life to be more energitic...

some of my friends now fear me cause i turn holy ....

pls lah i am still aydeng
i tok rubbish , look at girls , look at porno

but i feel more happy less angry ...

thats y i hope to spread this happiness to all .

cause it took me 20 over years to understand and be happy ..

i dont want others to take that long .

cheers

Faith and my list

2006-09-29T16:42:00.000+08:00

Well Today I made a list. Its the list of the things I would want to chant for

For Happiness & Good fortunate :
For My Family,
For Minyu and his family,
For Yongjia and his family,
For Jessica and her family,
For all Soka Gakkai fellow members,
For my fellow judokas,
For my friends.

For Mr and Mrs Ikeda's good health.
For the SGI's success in doing kosen rufu.

*I know its a damn long of list of people but very important for me to chant for but I know I am able to do it.

For Good fortunate on my employment and my future.
For My faith to be stronger as everyday passes by.
To gain to maturity in thinking and also in faith.
To be able to bring shakubuku successfully
To wash away the bad karma that I have done in past and present life.

Its a long list I know but some how I feel I am happy to set myself a target.

It had been a very tough time for me for the past 1 month or so. Cause of my stupidity and rage, I lost a lot of things along the way.

Dark times.

But i donno when i started picking up my beads and started to chant more and started to be more active in gakkai activities.
I feel enriched and has a growth for more.

I admit i was lonely and emptiness, but this lonely and emptiness let me reliese that all is not lost. I still got a treasure in my house. It revived my faith.

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

Well ... Regroup

2006-09-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

Now there is no more banana speaking for me

i am Aydeng
some call me alan (sec friends, tyler and porky)
some call me Aydeng (NYP friends)
some call me piggy ( my ex gf Jessica)
Ah pui (tyler & porky)
Ah Fat (Dad)

Which ever you call me ... i am me Fan Ay Deng...

I am going through tired times ....

but i dont want to reinvent my self.... cause i have been reinventing my self 2 times liao ...

now its just a glitch in my life....

for now i want to Regroup

I promise myself i would want to keep the good side of me but change the lousy side....

La'Revolution!

Aydeng Speaks

Well.....

2006-09-03T13:59:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks....

Well...

This marks the end of the banana adventure....

well cause i feel that the things i write ... are just shit .. plus i shouldnt make every one sad and miersable and depressing of my life ..

i hope all the pple who reads my blog will not get depress....

i thank you once again for lending your support and try to be friends with me

i know i am a lousy person in like but i would not kill my self for this ..

i will try to keep my problems to my self and solve them my self .....

thanks jessica ... i love u, u will have a great life from now on... and u always have a special place in my heart...

Thanks porky ... i know u dont bother about my problems now and u dont want to be infected by my gloom ... understandable and thx for giving me good judgment ...

Thanks tyler.... u are pissed at me dulan me for being a crazy person ... i hope we can still be cool

relax i will not be beaten down by gloom from now on ....

i just need to move on....

The Banana Finishes his blog ..... for now......

ARgh~! no 2!

2006-09-01T12:07:00.000+08:00

The banana speaks

Argh ~! no 2!

Argh ~! i fucking feel like shit .....

Can some one just shoot me in the leg so that the bullet pain can take over this pain of mine!

Fucking Shoot me!!!!

Monster i am

2006-08-31T09:06:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

Monster i am

I slept at 4 am in the morning... msning with her... my ex (i guess i have to call her that now) .... dishing out all the problems that lead us to this level ......

now i dont dare to look at my self in the mirror for long now..... inside it i dont know who he is now..... it is just a monster..... i lost all my former glory - fallen from grace .....

i became this ugly, paranoid, selfish, lousy, psycho monster... that treats my gf like a private property......

i am so disgusted with myself that i cannot feel anything now.... i cant focus.... i cant think ... i feel regret....

my eyes has not glare ..... so lifeless.....

this is not me .... IT ... is just a monster.....

all i want to do now is bury this monster.... nvr let lost to harm anymore people..... harm no more girls feelings and heart ...... even if it means not ever being loved again by any woman ......

i have to bury it ... i cant kill it cause i will kill myself .... bury it deep deep into the darkest chambers of my mind forever let it suffer with the infernos of hell.....

i shall not received pity nor forgiveness.... for the monster i created....

The Banana Have Spoken

Open up the cage pls...

2006-08-29T17:22:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Open up the cage pls.

Well i admit i am super Possessive piece of f**k. well i guess i am insecure and lonely bah. which leads me into being a small tight cage for her...

i always love to spend time with her ... the only wish is for her to spend more time with me bah ....

well in a simple word i just cant get enough of her... so tight until she seem to cannot take a breather.....

well i guess i cannot be selfish ... she loves freedom ... desire the things she want...

i guess the view between us are different

i decided i have to let go ... open the cage up to let her fly ... i guess deep down i feel that she will bloom into a much more beautiful bird rather then now grounded and bounded by the cage ....

she is my first, will always always have a very special place in me....

i hope she will forgive me for all the things i have done to her ....

and only take the sweet memories of me with her .....

good bye......
good bye .....
good bye.....

i love you.
The banana have spoken......

sigh.....

2006-08-28T08:58:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

Sigh.....

well its been so long since updated my block ..

well to keep it short cause i am not in a very good mood

super depress

my job sucks to the bottom good thing is that i finally know wat i wan

the PSA told me that i am techanically not strong enought to take up the tech officer post = your not fucking good enough to work in a goverment own company !

the other company gave me second interview but has yet called me up to set a date which i feel like shit. its like waiting for chinese new year to come but dont know when is chinese new year. + donno confirm will get ang bao anot.

makes you super itchy

i feel alone for the past 2 to 3 weeks.... who am i lying to its really 2 to 3 months
i feel so empty and scared cause .... i feel no love in my life no hugs no nothing ....

well its makes me sound like a girl .... but hey guys need hugs too u know ...

a whole lot of problems really comes to place where i just felt forgotten by this world...

feel like dying but yet i fear death so its like a toture.

i want to feel loved and some attention ....

The Banana Have Spoken

Well... Awaken

2006-08-08T08:16:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks...

Well... Awaken....

I love mornings... no seriously i do love monrning but only when i wake up on my own time. but i love the 7 am morning.......

hate 6 am . thats not morning! its still night in my point of view....

The Banana have Spoken

Well then What i wan....

2006-08-04T17:01:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Well then What i wan....

Well just finish my work around my office.... beginning to sit down and chill a bit while waiting for the damn office bell to go off...

started to think wat am i?

who am i? wats my purpose to be brought into this world?

it always freaks me out when i think of wat would i think when i am on my death bed.... yes i fear death.

yet i am fat and dont move about more..... irony laughs at me.

but well i am always being lectured by tyler and porky saying i alway stay in my safety zone. well they are right. i am glad they do that cause with my char dont think they would even bother to be friends with me if they just know me as a person.

People are mostly taught to be safe than sorry... well in my family that is.

get a good education
get a decent job
you know the tipical things

i admit i have responsibilties now as the eldest son i got to provide a bit for the family just because i am the oldest.

sigh..... many would think it so.

but hey if your parents work their ass off just to feed you and cloth you... you should jolly well feel its an honor to repay your parents' debt.

thats the first prior i guess
be stable.

but there is another side of me that clashes with this responsibility

the i want to see the world dream. i wan freedom to do what i always wan.

well guess thats going to wait.

i am lucky that i dont smoke nor drink...
but yet i am still poor

all the money just simply went into my stomach
i guess you can say food is my drug i LOVEEEEE food

but thats my down fall too.

so now this is what i am gonna do if i like food really really much, i must keep the end of the bargain of a healthy and long life. which is to keep fit.

not a very hard thing to do right?
hahaha
well i hope that 6 months from now when i read this entry i can say " well i keep my half of the bargain and kept fit"

about life it self ... i do hope i can more out of my safety zone....
honestly i have no fucking idea how to do it.

i remember 3 years ago the 3 of us went out at clake quay and had that talk... well 3 years now i think the goals i made, i did.

got a diploma

now i cant depend on porky and tyler to give me any more clues or directions on wat i can be.

they have their life to go on and i got mine....
i admit i think totally differently from those 2 . almost oppsite .
but i am thankful...

i am 25 going 26 ...
cant always be a child right?

Throw the ego away but keep the pride....
Do what you got to do for now
and believe something good is going to come in the future.

The Banana have Spoken

Y Don't you go F**k yourself!

2006-07-28T13:19:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

Y Don't you go F**K yourself!!!!!

Well its was very late at night yesterday and i did a very stupid thing ending in a situation where Jessica says things which equal's to " Why Don't you go F**K yourself!!"

Well i have to admit that move wasn't a smart move for me. But i was desperated .. sigh what can i say...

Well guess this is really a big one....

the Banana have spoken

Basketball.....

2006-07-26T08:44:00.000+08:00

There Banana Speaks

Basketball.....

Well just went basketball training yesterday night.
I have to admit my past 10 years of basketball playing is all rubbish.
I arn't that good as i think i am !
no wonder i dont get much ball at the first place

But since training under a coach, really increased in movements and other stuff.

well so i guess self taught is always been a bullshit thing.

Kinda like my New Basketball jersey though No. 15 hrm looks kinda nice
Its free still .

Argh need to train up .

Still have the 3 Targets to achieve

Plus 2 more which are:

4. Train up for sports
5. Get a driver's licence hopefully by the mid of next year.

The Banana Have Spoken

Targets.....

2006-07-25T09:53:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Targets.....

Well.... I have no idea what the hell I was thinking last night it was near 10 pm when I got back from my work yesterday.

I changed into my sports wear and running shoes, grab my mp3 player and went to run!
Goodness is this me?

Its just like a snap of the mind where I just felt that I wanted to do this.....

the next thing you know it I was at tiong baru ! hrm interesting..

yah lah for some of you guys who know where I live from Tanjong pargar to Tiong Baru is not that much of a distance, but just remember it ME!

The guy who dreaded jogging actually went jogging?!

Well its kinda fun I ran till the Tiong Baru CC. Total feeling sick after breathing all those fumes of the tight traffics.

Thought to myself that if i want to really run I would prefer a park.
Running near the road is simply killing you lungs rather than helping it. Agree?

So I guess I might be going to East Coast Park to run bah .
I don't really like running on the tracks very stressful and boring.

3 Targets I hope to achieve for this year's sports events

1. SAFRA Sheares Bridge Run & Army Half Marathon in Sept (6 or 12KM depends on my ability)

2.Take up Rock Climbing, Well I always wanted to do that

3. The highlight of the year end AyDeng's Event the Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon on the 3rd Dec. Of course its the 10 km one lah

Hopefully I am able to achieve at all 3 of them. Those who are interested feel free to join me k?

Need to train liao loh.

Well the osim triathalon is a very very far fetch but hey if i can down to my ideal weight in 2 years maybe it can be achievable.

First of for most is from 110KG to 75 KG

Jia You

The Banana Have Spoken!

Hrm.... Vision?

2006-07-24T10:52:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Hrm.... Vision?

Well that night after kanna fuck by Tyler for bring a stand still ( well that's the meaning I heard )

Well its correct I am a pathetic .
I dont like my job
I dont like my life
I am not satasified with what i have now
But i am not doing anything to make it better...!

well its me being fucking lazy and low moral.

Ego to big i admit ... well i guess i am a sad fuck...

I'm 25 but my achievements are equal to a fresh 21 year old ORD NS guy
The word is FRESH people
FRESH in working term = inexperience

i am totally lacking back by 4 years
GOD i had that i am wrong ....
Dont need for pity but i think there wouldnt be any.

To be honest I totally dislike the Chinese way of life.

being the eldest has to be responsible for all the family stuff.

I am too human but being burden by the responsbilities of being the eldest

i do have dreams

but who has ever really ask me what is it?

yes its total selfish of me to even to think of this and even more selfish to write it out for the entire world to see.

my dream is a very selfish one i admit.

which human is not selfish?

look around you ?

your GF most likely likes you because
a . You are rich enough to pay for her shopping and drives her around ( Sucker)
b. You have a career which makes you busy so she can sleep with other guys while keeping you.
c. She is blind

Dudes your no Saint ! We all know Guys are Bastards!

your BF most likely LOVES you is because
a. a build in maid where you go to his house and clean up his mess
b. You are simply a dumb gal where he can sleep with you while he sleeps with other women.
c. Your daddie is filthy rich

all of the above is to describe a large amount of people living in singapore would think

I used to believe in fairy tales . but hey guess wat there is no santa claus or tooth faires.

i know people will be offended by this entry but hey dont think any one would even bother about me as i am neither an icon nor a famous person.

who gives a shit about me?

I got no drivers licence so dont even talk about Car .
I have no career. all i got a is job that pays me crapy salary that does nothing.
I ant rich
and i am fat.

well things are going to change around here

i do have visions now

a couple of short ones and a big one

Super Short ones:
a. Pay off my bad debts

short ones (mean hope to achieve in 5 years time):
a. get my fat ass down from 110 KG to 90 KG first then we can talk about 75KG
( yes yes yes wow i am fat! )
b. get a driver's licence (but i am not going to get a car. a car is useless in singapore)
c. Get a degree in commerce ( for those who seen my msn nick you know wat i mean )

Long one:
To work in New York City , Yes the Big Apple , the Big cheese .

Every body knows i love New York City.

If i can make it there i can make it any where

Hopefully i can make it there.

No not as a washer in a chinese resturant in chinatown NYC.

but a regluar job or even better a career.

Now there is a Vision for me.

The Banana Had Spoken.

Well... Aimless i am

2006-07-22T12:06:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Well... Aimless i am

Well it was 2 am on a thusday morning i had a very big big blow to my personal life . With the help of close friends i reliese that i am no one yet. living in a well thats how i see my self. Getting out of the safely zone... hrm its something that i have not tried before to be honest.

Being a ego cheapo bastard as i am. i admit i am no saint ....

I WILL NO LONGER COMPARE MY SELF TO 2002 AYDENG as that Aydeng was at least fit

I WILL NO LONGER TALK ABOUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE as to be honest most people dont give a fuck shit about how you feel about them neither do they would think a sec more about you.

I WILL LEARN from my past. ego is a main block of mine . But i will keep my pride. As much as i have a huge ego i still want my pride as that is all i got left.
ego yes can be get rid of but not with in a sec i am still human am i i need to learn .

that day was simply always a ego crushing time . well i appricaite it as i dont need it.

A lot of people does no understand a shit i talk about. well too bad i no longer feel i have to share stories or Philosophy

but i will set my self as a good example
to my families
to my GF
to my Close friends

setting a good example does not mean i have to prove to any of the above i am good. Hell no i just feel i am no there yet . not a bit

Respect ...

i used to desire that. I would kill for that, for porky and tyler they know .
the desire for respect is so fucking big it turns to Dellusions to me.

Well there are people who give me respect cause i am older or i am big size or the things i do in my past.

well i dont mind the Barbarian, the Gorilla or Steel Man.

Cause i am happy that at least people bother to give me a nick.

Respect is being earned. Not being asked for. at least i do that now.

I do feel hurt that my younger friends do things for me cause they feel i threaten them to do so.
well i its my part of being that loud.

well i am truthfully sorry for my part.

well the night cycle incident really was a learning thing for me.. reason that they came is not the desire to learn. just to give me face.... well i dont want that to be honest lol

my objective was to pass down a losing interest. i guess by forcing is really really my bad.

I would not stop seeing good stories that inspires me.
Cause thats what give me the passion to keep going.
for this i am not wrong
In others pt of view my action seems useless

well like porky said
we give you comments and advice . but its you who make the judgement of what we say.

i donno if its the same meaning as
in our pt of view some things are right but may not apply to you.

hopefully its the same .

i will not change like a whole person cause it would not be ME!

but i will change to a better person . changing my weakness.

i am no saint i need time.

For those who do not understand wat am i writing about most of this entry. its okie cause its for me to read 30 years from now .
to see how screw up i am when i was 25.

The Banana have Spoken.

Song that tells....

2006-07-13T00:54:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Song that tells....

I was browsing the youtube but suddenly i tot of the singer John Legend.
the following song is by far his best creation.

"Ordinary People" By John Legend.

[Verse 1]

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 2]

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

[Bridge]

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 3]

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

The Banana Have Spoken

Engarge Life like the Haka

2006-07-11T10:56:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Engarge Life like the Haka

Well Life it self is too short its 11 am i am at the office doing this shit. But fuck it. I got to live life by myself the way i want it. I want to ask my self at my death bed when i die, did i do what i was born to do? I want to answer Yes.

Be Brave not reckless from now on... i am sick of being a Mars bar. Hard on the outside but soft and stick on the inside.

I got to live on my own way. either come along side with me or simply pls get out of my path.

Live Strong finally makes a little sense.

once my debts are all cleared. I will seek what i want to do.

The Banana have Spoken

National Dumb Ass!

2006-07-06T08:19:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

National Dumb Ass!

Goodness! This morning has proven once again how some Singaporeans are either total ignorant or simply does not understand English!

Well was riding the company bus to work this morning, well the usual I was listening to Class 95. The Flying Dutchmen was posing a question for the listeners to call into express their views.

The question was "What if Singapore is able to have very well trained players and has everything from very good technical sports director to very good trainers. Which manager would you like, to lead Singapore to the world cup?"

Such a simple question, in simple English it means if Singapore HAVE good players WHO would you like to have to manage the national team of Singapore?

The first caller was either sleeping or just simply brainless! The reply was it should be Singapore! Saying that Singapore should give full support for the national team and if not no way they can make it to the world cup.

FD tried to nicely faze the question again to the, I guess still sleepy caller, WHO would you like, to LEAD the Singapore national team!

Still the bugger still repeated the same answer!

Only by the second rephrasing, then the caller said either Guus Hiddink or Luiz Felipe Scolari.

I felt that he is either just simply trying to find a media to criticize the Singapore government or plain dumb.

The second caller sounds more alert but still ignorant like the first one. Well his ans was "no matter which good manager we could have, we would still not be able to reach the world cup". No coach name given.

Argh the whole point was give a NAME damn it!

Guus Hiddink, Luiz Felipe Scolari, Zico etc etc not blah blah on how Singapore soccer cannot make it.

Damn it everyone in Singapore KNOWs that Singapore football cannot make it, no need you two bozos to tell it over national radio!

I could sense FD's frustration during this 10 mins lol.

Look if you like to hear your own voice to be heard by the entire island be my guest. But please don't make a fool out of your self on national radio.

The Banana have spoken.

Believe and Trust

2006-07-03T11:52:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Believe and Trust

I was watching Cable when i came across the last show with Jay leno
He was interviewing the Miami Heats Head Coach Pat Railey
Pat Railey told a short story which i feel is very enlighting and i would like to share to all who reads my blog.

A Long time, a go there was a famous tight ropewalker that tied a rope across the Niagara Falls. He then claimed that he could cross the falls and even do stunts on the rope while crossing it.

The people around the falls thinks he was crazy and thought that he was going to fall to his death.

But in the end he proved them wrong by crossing the ropes and even jumping on the rope doing a few stunts.

When he went across the rope, everyone cheered.

He then asked the audience
"Do you believe that I am able to walk across the rope again doing the same things over again?"

The audience replied
"We believe you!"

"Do you believe I can repeat the stunts over and over again"

"Yes we believe you!"

He then asked another question

"Well do you believe that I can carry a barrel and balance it with me across the rope still doing all the same things?"

"Yes Yes we believe you!"

Finally he said

"Good! Then you get into the barrel"

The moral of this short story is that

"Believe in someone or something is one issue
Trusting is another."

The Banana have Spoken

The Greatest...

2006-06-27T14:25:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

The Greatest.....

When it comes to watching football, i do have 3 regrets towards whom i concider the Greatest footballer.

No 1 - i supported for brazil when he at his peak was playing against them in the finals (youth is such a ignorant what was i thinking!).

No 2 - Was not able to watch his match ( Damn Cable!)

No 3 - Miss his last match when he retired from Pro Football.

The one who i concider The Greatest No 10

Roberto Baggio.

The famous Ponytail. During my younger days, people would know the ponytail which dorns the italian No. 10

Well to be honest when the ball flew up during the Finals in 94, i thought i was happy as i was supporting for brazil. But i simply could not cheer, as if i had betrayed the player who i reliese is simply the best of the best in my view of football history.

By Far Simply the only footballer that i feel taught me the phase Never Give Up.

The Banana Have Spoken.

This sucks!

2006-05-08T15:47:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Argh! Birthday present from SGH.

Well just went to SGH there are a couple of good news and a few bad news. The good news is that there seem to be nothing wrong with my lungs. the bad news is that i need to go for a CT scan to ensure and further detail exam on my lungs. oh FYI the cost is $130! and need to be paid in cash or card! fuck ! 130 is okie to ensure my health is intact but i am current jobless.... guess the progress package is going back in some way lol... sigh plus i need to be refered to the Ear, nose throat to see if there is anything wrong with my nose and stuff....
argh! that means another 21 x donno how many consulations!..... ARGH!!!

Remember 8th May 1981

2006-05-08T01:33:00.000+08:00

The banana Speaks

Remember 8th May 1981..
the day when i was born. Well after 25 years later the difference i can tell. The fatter more lazier form of me appears.
i can say i walked the tough road of life . well its all cause of own doing . i was a natural lazy screw up.
but i guess some still do feel that way about me, to some i am just the same old aydeng or allan or who they call me only fatter slower and more sillier.
Some people do feel that onces your that way your forever that way.

well i guess i am some part the same old me. i cant change totally right?
the old part of me is my love for food thats the only sin i can't give up

no fault at that right?
i always wanted people respect. demanded it come times ... well i feel that way now
Then SM Lee once said "Gain Respect not popluarity"
Well some may feel i am pro PAP but no i felt this sentence is really meanful.

well got a bit side tracked .
all i am saying is that i may have f**ked up in the past. does not mean i am f**k up now.
no one would like to be assumed on who he is .
i admit i do assume some people in some ways, i will change that bad habit.
and i hope others will do it too.
i believe in karma ... well i did a lot of bad stuff. hopefully i can change this
my life for the pass 3 years is not bad
but thats the past, my new challange is all about my next 20 years where i am a working adult.
I want to be the Big MAC the Big cheese of my yard.

yea i do BS a lot. but i am starting to believe in myself.

The Banana have spoken

Anger Can be found in good and evil alike

2006-04-06T18:43:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks! Anger Can be found in good and evil alike I was going through my e mails where i came upon a mail which was send by a fellow soka member from India which i find it very interesting and would like to share. The Daishonin states, "Anger can be found in good and evil alike."* Never tolerate or excuse evil or negative forces, even a bit! Let's all burn with a courageous and passionate spirit to refute all forms of injustice and lies! The Daishonin says, "Anger can be found in good and evil alike" (Gosho Zenshu, p. 584). Anger directed toward evil is good. Anger that derives from egotism is evil. Anger itself cannot be called either good or evil. Good and evil exist in the context of relationship. It is important, therefore, that we actively seek to create "good" relations. Not to fight against evil is itself evil. It was with this conviction that Mr. Makiguchi taught the importance of leading a life of actively creating good, a conviction he put into practice. (The Wisdom of the Lotus Sutra, Volume 3, page 88)

Well anger is one of the most comment human feelings, we do feel anger some times like above it's like a double edge sword.

The Banana have spoken.

The story of the Spear

2006-04-02T03:07:00.001+08:00

The Banana Speaks

The Story of the spear

Well i was sharing some stuff with my friends the other day.
Suddenly out of no where i enlightened my self with this thinking of leadership and how team work is the most important thing when comes to getting work done

The Spear ...

What makes a good spear?

its made up of 2 things; The Spear head and The Rod

The spear head must be strong, sharp and focus at its tip

The Rod which makes up the most part of the spear needs to be stong and stern

if the spear head is weak no matter how strong is the rod it cannot kill.

its also the same when it the other way round.

Both parts need each other to be a good spear.

A leader should be like the spear head. strong will, sharp judgement and focus

The team behind him is like a rod, Strong and united

if both are of the same way, there is nothing it cannot do or achieve.

Like the strongest spear that can go though any shield.

The Banana have spoken!

Hrm ... Whats important?

2006-04-02T01:51:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Hrm.... Whats Important?

Well .. I was relaxing at home as usual cause i am jobless .. er.. correction .. unemployed hehehe

i reliese something i have dreams and high hopes for what i wish for myself but with dreams i cant pay my bills pay my rent.

it all goes back the the most simple think

Love and bread

some people would say they would give up bread for love as they will be rich with love that they have........ er okie!

well go call singtel

"er ... hi singtel? i understand that my hp bill needs payment but i dont have money.
but i have so rich with the love from my lover... can i replace that with money that i owe you guys?"

see if that works

similer to egos....
Whats with the egos man ...? i mean yes i do have ego, if i dont i am not a man.

there is a chinese saying a man's ego is his most power weapon but his biggest weakness.

ya if your so full of ego ? you cannot control it .. whats the pt?

your ego so big that you refuse to work lower than what you feel it should be or always feel your right? lol

then forever u cannot find job liao loh hahahah then just starve loh.
Well your not going to go hungry right? cause you full with your Ego liao what.

Well might as well try to pay your bills with your egos.

The Banana Have spoken

Hrm ... Results for these 3 years

2006-03-24T04:26:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks!

Hrm ... Results for these 3 years

Well let's see ... for the past 3 years i have bleed, sweat, cried, slip and laugh

but i am happy that i have did all those things. Well i guess going back to a Poly is the correct thing to do . hey lets face it in singapore ... no paper .. no future .. no nothing.

Yap its true.... its true.... its damn true ( hahaha lame)

Year 1

all fired up for school . dreaded maths (past history proves i suck at maths)
went to the first maths lecture determine to buck up my maths ... the lecturer turn out to be a co*k ! totally lost form. every thing feels like SP again ... but doesnt matter .. cause i cant let this bother me any more... told my self history will not repeat it self

went to join judo ... was kinda scared at first .. nvr tried being thrown before ... reason for joining .. read to much comics on judo... well turns out to be fine ... and very very interesting ...

very into my school work at first always go library to study .... hahaha first sem later... slack like a monkey after a banana buffet! but still manage to get the grades... i guess i am more determine than when i was 17 and 18 years old.

even got a dist for a subject! ( thx melvin!)

begin loving the sports judo, suprisingly got silver medal for the annual compeition! well that gold should be mine! damn lack of experiances nvm try again next year.

i was surprise that i pass the first year with ease even pass maths with As and Bs !

Year 2

Became the president of the judo club ( well there was only like 3 pple in my batch lol so i guess its luck)

very tough year ... my studies took a real hit ! no As at all for that year! damn what was i thinking well the second year really is a low pt of my entire poly life

but i stood tall ... i guess... my light at the end of my tunnel was jessica ... well we went through a lot of sh*t ... this and that but we survied the onslaught! see how happy we are now!

as a leader i have to agree i am no leader ... i didnt do a good job for the sport i begin to love other than basketball.

i want apoligize to all my jrs that i am very sorry over the shit i have done when i was boss.

well at the end of the year i had to choise my path wafer , automation or biomedical..

well bio was out cause i am not good enough.. score wise

Automation... well even though i am in mechatronic i stink in automation so ... out it goes!

left wafer ... well the good thing is i can get a 6 months of company attachment with a big monthly allowance ... cooooooool .. well thats the main reason that i took wafer lol !

went for the competiton again ! we were the host... damn tired setting up the entire shit nearly over slept ! was so tired ... well only got a bronze ... so did jess .. but i guess i am happy ... but deep in i am not.... the gold was always so close yet so far.....

Year 3

got into wafer and applied for the 6 months attachment! wooo hooo got it!

went to chartered semicon to carry out my attachment ... but in the end got a entire shit job....

it was totally not within the spec that i should be doing and learning ... almost a garbage cleaner and ga lang gu ni! shit
imagine your superivor asking you the same question every single day ..." hey , your project finish anot?"
damn felt like slapping him...

endured the entire attachment with problems and stuff.... during this time jess left me for a while, 1 week i guess ... damn .... was crying under the mask every single day .... the manager even told me to take a few days off..... damn i missed her during that time so much ....

well finally the project was done, the boss was happy ! hey what more can i say ... i survied !

some more got B + , was expecting a C ... but hey at least my gpa went up!

in came the final sem the finally study phase of my poly ! the big mac! its like do or die ....

well had 2 subjects with jason ( thank goodness he was around!) well there were 2 subjects that i went for the lecture for like 1 time hehehehe ( so dry the subject !!!!)

well got a lot of good and slack lecturers that guided us ... lucky us! 2 weeks before the exam ... was total hell ! had my first panic attack on a final common test cause that subject is one of the lectures i didnt attend lol!

then in comes the exams! well 3 out of the 4 papers was easily like sh*t lol well with the help of good informations from lecturers of coz ! lol

at the last paper when i passed up the exam scroll.... i reliese ... damn ... i had done my last poly exam paper..... wow ... the feeling was over powering .... when i walked out of the door.... i smell freedom and the wind was blowing in my face.....

well the final compeition was there .... and guess what ... gold was in my hand ..... after my finals.... i sat down ... and i cried .... the feeling was overjoyed.... she hugged me ... i felt so happy cause i waited 3 years for this medal ... gold was finally in my hand ...

the feeling was like when i saw Man utd won the trible !!! well even better

i told my self i cannot lost faith ... and i didnt

it was a high point for me ....

following that my results arrived ... before i looked into it i was like sh*t will i fall from grace.? will i fail cause i didnt pay attention in class? ( since when i have paid attention?)

well in the end to my surprise ...
1 Dist, 1 A , 1 B+ , 2 B, and a C+ (C+ is for robotic which i dreaded)

plus to my surprise the dist was from automation control which i went to lecture once or twice !
but the lab i did put in a lot of effort in to it .... i rather hands on then sit in a lecture hall....

well i am happy ... really happy

as i know that i fought back into the system ... and did rather well in the system .....

My poly life i have to agree is fufilling ...
i met a lot of good friends...
found my love
got my diploma
be came a leader...( i guess)
found a passion in judo

what more can i ask ?

The Banana Have spoken!!!!!

Like the Song goes.... The Road is long ..............

2006-03-10T13:39:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Like the Song goes.... The Road is long ..............

Well Its been a long long time since i updated my blog ... Damn must be a stright 4 to 5 months... well i guess its true when i am not working i dont blog ... opps hope my future employers dont see this.

well i finished my final exams just last week.. wow it was so fast... 2nd march 2006 my final NYP Paper..... well hopefully its my last paper hahahaa. Shouldn't have any problem with the exams... well in my point of view is that i most likely would pass but no good grade.

it reminds me of the convercation that me and porky had when we were studying at the mac.. when you reach your final year of your course or programme... you just simply want to pass it and get it over with. Quite true as damn 3 years studying engineering which i totally have little interest on......Pure Toture!

But the ironic part is that i had decided to pursue Mechanical Engineering in NTU or NUS?! Well what was i thinking?! hahahaha

maybe to me engineering is where i am able to get a stable job and earn a decent amount of money to carry on living for my next 30 to 40 years i guess..

well a degree is always better than a diploma right?

Oh back to my final paper...

well after finish the paper ... some how i felt a huge burden had dropped right off my chest i could breath smoothly again .... its like a complex knot being unknotted.......
i just felt free .... relaxed..... of course the paper was easy hahahahaha

but the feeling of finishing a diploma course is a different feeling i have never had...

as i step out of the mrt station, the wind was blowing strong.... it keeps blowing in my face ... as if its helping me blowing off the dust that is on me for 3 years.... i felt free and calm ....

i could feel the wind blowing on to my skin ... for a very very long time since i was able to feel it.. so long ....

i have achieved a milestone in my life .
i forced my self back in to the system
i enjoyed my polytechnic life to the fullest
i found my love .....
i got my diploma with a decent grade.....

i simply love these 3 years of Poly life....

i dont think i would be able to feel this way if i was still in SP if i was able to finish a diploma there.

I learned and appreciate more after the silly things i have gone through before my poly life.

well maybe the dream i had 4 months ago is a sign for me to explore and make the best out of my turning point.

Uni is not just a dream.....

a square hat is not just an image......

i want those .... and i hope i can achieve it and be the aim for the next 3 years.

let there be a more heavier stone to be lying on my chest again for the next 3 years

i bet at the end of that i would be able to be more lively then now.......

The road is indeed Long..... But i am cool with it

The Banana Had Spoken

2005-11-16T03:25:00.000+08:00

Water - Dominant

You are a very mellow person and just seem to flow from one thing to another so easily... You have many talents and succeed in most things you try... Your moods seem to constantly change... You long to be free and hate to be caged...

Animagi form: Mermaid
Most compatible with: Elecricity
Least compatible with: Earth
Song: The Great Beyond - R.E.M
Ruling God: Poesidon

Enbrace the New Generation!

2005-11-16T02:54:00.000+08:00

The Banana speaks

its 3 am on a wed morning ... just came back after a walk walk session with porky and tyler. its cool to hang out with them they talk cock and stuff..

but it feels different .. its not fun anymore ... maybe its just that them and i are now leading a total different life style and different mindset..

well not that i dont feel that they are my best friends lah ..

they are indeed good friends of mine...

but some how we are getting more apart.

porky and tyler thinks almost the same ... exciting looking wacky , clubbing, drinking and stuff

they have more topic to talk to each more then with me...

tonight i could count the no of things i talked ... lol first time in my life i am not the most talktive one...

i guess people change, they are happy for me when i am happy, so do i as i would feel the same.

its just that i dont really interact with them much liao.. the bonding is not as close as last time.

they begin to enbrace the new generation...

there are some things i dont like about the new generation... but i dont mind it .

its just old school thinking i guess...

i have being assumed to be such manner ... i dont like it ...

i just feel that now i got a group of good friends but no best friends ...

i guess seeing too much of friends is not a very good thing after all hahahaha

ideally i wish we talk about anything i dont want to the the third person that who just listen to the 2 person talking ...

i feel so left out

so out of place ..

i wanted to tell them that i felt that way but knowing the reply would be i think to much ...

but i do feel that way .. i just dont want to ruin the mood.

i know they treat me like a good friend .. i do too

i cant force them to change, nor could i force my self to change

tyler always tell me there are things porky would tell him but not with me... at first i feel sad coz i tot i am up to a level of friends where we tell everything..

i guess i am not those kinda of person who you want to tell your deep sad sides with ...

maybe some one to just walk with...

well i begin to like the no talking postition.

the other day tyler told me porky ask him to join his clan as a group of 5 players to play dota ... i was quite suprise and mixed up ..

i mean porky nvr invited me into the group before......

at that point i had to play it cool cause if i show any suprise it would make me look immature..

last time as we walk home after such things we would tok on the way back .. but tonight so few word..

i sound like a fucking girl ... why so senstive? right?

maybe be i see too much friends and naruto liao .... must cut down on it....

do i too need to enbrace the new generation? just to click with my good friends?

or am i just living in a little world of my own?

The Banana have spoken

UNI Dream

2005-11-14T02:34:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Uni Dream

Well i had a dream a couple of days ago. i dreamt of me admiting to nus and moving to the hostal.
the funny thing was how my dad freaked out when i told him i am going to nus and had moved in to the hostal.... lol it was so so real.......

when i woke up .... i was like damn ...... but it felt so real and deep inside my heart i felt fucked up and sad .....

maybe deep inside i really want to go to uni and enjoy uni life ... but now its just full of regrets .. should have studied hard in secondary.....

i feel so shitty now...

The Banana Have Spoken.....

Well .... how should i put it

2005-11-01T03:33:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks...

Well --- how should i put it.

its been mightly long since i entry this blog... hahaha its the holidays for me!

well to me this is my last holiday before my real life entry to the working world of singapore( sigh)

but hey i am still me .. through out this 1 month of doing nothing i have just relise that we are living in a place where we all have to please the people around us. please the people make them think your useful or something..
well i dont need to prove anyone anything..

yes this is a very childish way to say it ..

but that doesnt mean i am not responsible or reckless

in other people's eye i am not that good as they stand by their pt of view ..

no offence taken as it is not wrong to stand by their view..

but i am too is standing by my view .

for the past years i have been always worrying about how people look at me ...

this is how pressuring thing to be

you cant please everyone, in the end your just not you.

i am not a wise talker . but there ARE things that i said is correct . denie as much as u want but its true

i am not a very good sports person. but there are times i run over you time and time again. denie as much as u want but its true

i am not as a smart schooler like some . but i am going to be a diploma holder right?
denie as much as u want but its true

People would judge me .. so let it be .. i dont need judgement pass down on me.

i am not perfect and so do you!

i believe in fairness in this freaking world

there are things that you cannot do but i can ..

i mature in a different way .. thats all

Cheers to all fucker out there hahaha!

The banana have spoken!

I feel greatness ahead of me....

2005-09-28T11:55:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

I feel greatness ahead of me.....

don't be mistaken this is not about me trying to say I got greatness ahead of me.

I was watching AXN waiting for one of my fave show House M.D. (highly recommended) but I was early so it was showing the realilty show the contender. Its a boxing realilty show where in the end the bottom from the 2 teams will have to fight it out.

well the black dude lost ... But you can just sensed he had given all his best, did not took any short cuts and just used all his heart.

well in the end he fall short... Painful even for me, a viewer to see

at the end of the show he just sits there.... Totally torn down, like an defeated dog, injured... Humiliated ... no not humiliated... not at all .....

its was a good fight ... he just fell short.

well the wife and baby daughter came in, he hugged the baby and cried .... the only time where i feel a man can cry is in front of his loved ones.... doesnt matter its family, gf, closed friends... a man have his rights to cry if he wants to....

the wife said "you did good ..... you did good... She (the baby ) doesnt know whether you win or lost. she doesnt see any difference it doesnt matter.... so do i ... as long you did what you had to d0 .... you did good"

he finished crying and got up and played with his daughter....

at the end of the show....

he said he gave all he could gave all there is to do in that competition. it may seem that he had lost but he gain... he gain a lot.... and he felt greatness ahead of him .... feel greatness ahead of him.....

could you guess what he gain?
i think i do ... and i hope thats what i and to have....

The Banana Have Spoken..... greatness ... ahead....

London Cab!

2005-09-27T10:34:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

London Cab!

Well i was going to be late for work today (the 3rd time this month! )
The reasons? i guess its the steamboat that i at with dennis last night, reached home at about 2 a.m. in the freaking morning ! damn man ! this is not healthy man. Sleep after food! shit man.
well maybe thanks to last night, i get to have my first ride in a london cab!

Well here goes....

2005-09-23T12:12:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Well here goes.....

Well basically I am mentally unstable... Reasons ...

imagine an engineer keep saying your a ta zha (clean up job) everything he makes a comment on you

i.e " ah ya you ta zha one no need to learn such things"

maybe its a joke ... But all the time?

strike one

your supervior keeps changing the project idea that was given to you but yet no support was given to you. Simply does not show any sense of appreciation of what you do till date.

being an intern not treated like human?

strike two

being stuck in a cabinet to do programming which you have to learn from scrap by yourself and keep doing those house keeping job that results in non - wafer experience learned during the attachment.

shouldn't I be learning some wafer stuff?

strike three

well the end result is not bad .
I get to know how to use Microsoft access,
discovering a new mental problem call
"cabinetites syndrome - cramp in a cabinet with f**k up people causing violent behavior"
how to deal with stress under a smock
by screaming under that smock where no one can see your facial expression

well for the pass 24 weeks of internship I have seen a major change in me ....

well phyically and mental

phyically
I have become more fatter

mental
I get angry easily, lazy to do stuff and emotional

wow this syndrome is the next big thing for me

basically is I am going crazy

first thing after my attachment is to go for anger management, gym and a vegan food bar

I really cannot imagine me working in a very hostile environment like this when I finish diploma
well my friends are right its lucky to be studying!

I have become an human attacking bear like what Tyler have describe me as!

well last time I am a honey loving bear .. Only attacks when there is not honey.

but now .... Well lets just bring the tranquilizer in shall we?

i simply cannot control my emotion these days ... damn it I am like a woman!

shit its making me look so gay and some more a very ugly gay!

these 24 weeks really gave me a very hard time ..... cant blame any one but me

all i am now is a broken teddy bear wanting to be hug..... a hug from princess

The Banana Have Spoken......

hrm....summery

2005-09-23T10:03:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

hrm.....

Well woke up feeling like shit ... didn't know what to do .... don't really feel like working cause there is pratically nothing for me to do.....

the feeling is just rotten.

well emotion is what drives me .. is the only think that keeps me alive....

i think its gone .. and i am dead

The Banana Have spoken

it hurts

2005-09-22T22:54:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

It hurts

well i just want to do what i feel what a boy would do for a gal
when she is tired he give her a call.... to cheer her up

but in mine it doesnt work that way...

if i call if she works.... i will be scold...

i always tot that would be very sweet

The Banana have Spoken

Wow.....

2005-09-22T17:25:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Wow......

wow for the first time in my life you would feel that you just wanna know you self in the wall and bleed to death..... i guess there is nothing more painful than this huh....

the chest still have that sharp pain that bothers me the whole day....

The Banana have spoken!

Well... its not what you expected huh

2005-09-22T16:17:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks...

Well... its not what you expected huh

well today should be a good day... but it turn out to be a normal day as usual.

damn its raining again... hrm .... well fits the screen anyway.

my chest now has a very sharp pain..... donno why

The Banana Have spoken

Finally!!!!

2005-09-22T08:11:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Finally!!!!

Finally!!! its gonna be friday tomorrow!

well there are many good reasons for me to blog about at 8 am in the freaking morning!

first, my final week of attachment is coming! final week = Zho bo lan!!!!

who in the hell would go bother a person when its his last week on the job!

second, my baby's exam is over today!!!

it's a long long wait and enduring period!!!! yes yes i did bother her a couple of times, sorry baby!
but is because i miss her... a lot

these few weeks was really a pure touture !

she's busy with exam .
my buddy's all studying busy
judo have do stop for a while due to exam
my attachment is like F**K~!

well you feel like hitting your head on the wall and bleed to death.... (hrm i think i used that before on my previous blog)

its because the 4 important things in my life was simply not around at this point of time where is touture!

.My Good Friends (Tyler and Porky)
they are always around when you need help, i feel kinds sad that they are currently at a different stage of life. we suddenly have more and more less stuff to talk about. i am so alone, yes there are things we can't do together. but i do wish we can do things a lot together. cause i treasure this friendship. we have known each other near 20 years. there are periods where we do our stuff these 20 years not bothering each other. but we now are together hanging out.. and i hope we can carry on like this until we see each other in another world.

.My Family
They are one of the pillers of my life. keeps me running... its been aeons since we have a decent dinner together as a family.

.Judo
A sports where i found more fun than basketball (a sport where i have played since teens) but i am still stuck at a very premature level of skill even though i am a green belt. the rush when you step on the mat is like taking a roller coaster ride!

.Jessice
My love, We may have a lot of ups and downs but for 1 year i know that things are not just 1 way, it's a 2 way thing. my wish now is to know you more so more that when you lift an eyebrow i would know what you want. don't you too want that ? the future is unknown to us, we would not know where we will be down the road but i always think there is always light to guide you and me along. i am the 10 red roses and 10 white roses person hehehee

Now that most of the things are kinda back in to my life.... i feel much much more better....
i can breath......

The Banana have Spoken~!

Rainy Day.......

2005-09-19T09:12:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Rainy Day.....

its a monday morning....
currently working .... what the hell ... working? lol what work....
i can't say my life is miserable ... its just i donno how to orgnize it properly ...
its kinda empty at the moment....

for the first time of my life i feel like knocking my self on the wall and bleed to death...

wouldn't it be nice to have things your own way all the time?
hahaha but we all have to admit... you can't have it always your F**king way ..
.. well unless your capable i mean really capable...

well i see my self currently as not capable to do so ....

depression is part of what i am ... but i hope to throw it a way

my best friends have moved on to another stage of life
i am still at a stage where immature is a problem..

it bites ..
but can't do anything about it but to grow i guess.

i donno what i want now ... yes i know

there is a list of must to complete ....

hrm .... list .... screw it ... i dont need a list ... i do what i want

alone i am

think i have gotten use to be alone ... kinda liked it

the reason why i wish i wanna train more on judo more ... is because i love it, i love the rush when you step on the mat.... but time blocks me ....

the reason why i wish i can hang out more with tyler and porky more is that they are my best friend... cause they helped me in time of need ..and not because we know each other for near 20 years... but they can't always be there... they are at a different stage now ....

the reason why i wish to go out with Jess more ... is cause i love her... i care for her... i have to admit i still got tons of things i donno about her.... i want to know .,.. but she can't always be there.... her family restricts her... she has her friends and own future ... she can't stick with me all the time....

the reason why i wish know my family more is ... just because its my family ... no more reason for that ... basiclly no reasons for this... cause i just wanna

all of the above is what is important to me ...

no reasons

there are times it does not go your way....

well what can i say?

its a very rainy day .....

do what your gonna do .....

get a rain coat by your self ... dont expect others to get it for you.....

The banana have spoken.....

Yellow Ribbon

2005-09-14T17:14:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

Yellow Ribbon

Well i am now wearing a Yellow ribbon today to support the Yellow Ribbon Project.
i was going out to work this morning i found this ribbon lying near my family's gohonzon
and to me i just went hrm.... why not!

i took it and wore it

on the MRT i at first feel quite ma lu to have a ribbon pin on my t shirt but i told myself its for a good cause. As i look up i saw this man wearing a yellow ribbon.. that makes me feel better and finally understand how meaningful this project is.

this is the first time i wore such ribbons....

at first i dont give a shit as i felt it was stupid, a simple waste of material.

well this may not change my total mindset of such things but at least i will wear a ribbon if i feel that that cause is a good cause.

i have never gone to jail or such places before.

i cannot imagine the feeling where the whole world simply place a living 'death' sentence on those who turned around.

so maybe by wearing a yellow ribbon today made me understand by wearing it you let people remember this cause.

sorry Lance Armstrong .... i personally feel the rubber band thing is a very stupid idea.
its a simple waste of resources.
if it was a ribbon or some thing more meaningful i would then wear it.
no offence

To all my friends who read this please give a comment or tag me to send out a messenge!

Help Unlock The Second Prison!
Wear A Yellow Ribbon Today!

The Banana Have Spoken!

My Stuff

2005-09-14T01:24:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

Stuff i Own.

Well these are the stuff i normally carry around me .

My Trusty Nokia 6100. lets people track me where ever i go ...( damn it can it ring for a moment!)

The Deodrant sPray i use.... ( shit no matter how much i use the stink still there! IS that Dog shit!)

Er.....What this Maxim With An Angel Doing here! er. .... i dont usually bring it around with me all the time....... Cause its Lin Chi Ling !!!!!

Damn that horse for making her suffer!!!!!!

Jessica Honey ! i still love you!!!! Don;t worry there is nothing between me and Chi Ling!

The Banana Have Spoken!

The Advantures of Cloney The Clone Trooper!

2005-09-14T01:07:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

The Advantures of Cloney The Clone Trooper!

Todays advanture is about our hero battling his arch enermy claws!

Cloney : Stick'em up Claws your cornered! Lets settle this once and for all!

Claws : hahaha am i cornered?! i dont think so my young clone trooper!

Claws brings out the Maxiem!

Claws : A step closer i will claw Lin Chi Ling!

Cloney: ( Take a deep breath ) You wouldn't Dare! You Fend!

How would Cloney save the Maxiem from Claws's er ................. Claws !

Stay Tune to the next EP of The Advantures Of Cloney The Clone Trooper!

The Banana Have GONE CRAZY!!!!

Basically...

2005-09-13T09:45:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

Basically.....

I am down ... i mean a lot.

i reliese my daily shit is wake up go to work (well if you call stoning work) wait for lunch, wait for the company bus to take you to the MRT .. reach home, play a bit of game, dinner.. TV sleep...

shit this is crap....

The Banana have spoken.

The Idealist And The Big-Thinker

2005-09-09T15:00:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

The Idealist and The Big - Thinker

Well me and the clicks were hanging out last night having some drinks near clake quay .. talking about what they want for the current moment. Porky wants to just finish his freaking degree at the moment. Tyler cant do much now but finish NIE . As for me? Finish my diploma next year and get ready for the real world ...

well all these are really planned out for the 1 to 2 years or so.

Well these few hang outs... I know more of my buds .. We have known each other for like near 20 years ... tell me how many friends can u know for 20 years? I am fortunate ... really am

Porky and Tyler feel that they are idealist .. they almost think alike in most of the views....

This is what i found about being an idealist over the net

Summary of Idealists:

-Make sense of the world using inner values

-Focus on personal growth and the growth of others

-Think of themselves as bright, forgiving and curious

-May sometimes appear stubborn

More about Idealists

Idealists put time and energy into developing personal values that they use as a guide through life. They may seek fulfilment by helping others improve themselves and often want to make the world a better place. Idealists only share their inner values with people they respect.
Idealists enjoy discussions about a wide range of topics, particularly those that deal with the future.

They are typically easy-going and flexible, but if their values are challenged they may refuse to compromise.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Idealists may have trouble expressing themselves and withdraw. Under extreme stress, Idealists may become very critical of others, or lose confidence in their own ability to cope.
Recognition for their work is important to Idealists; however, they are also good at spotting false praise.

As for me i though i was always a realist ... but after taking a BBC test hrm ... i was suprise
i am a Big thinker! WTF?

Summary of Big-Thinkers

-Outspoken, ingenious and bored by routine

-Think of themselves as talkative, curious and self-sufficient

-May neglect the routine work required to make their plans successful

More about Big-Thinkers

Big Thinkers are always looking for the next big idea or opportunity. They’re adept at spotting trends and thinking on their feet.
Big Thinkers like to jump in and find innovative solutions to complex problems and are good at developing strategies for the future.
Big Thinkers are usually curious, logical and energetic.
This chatty group enjoys a good debate and asserting their opinions.
Sometimes others may find the way they express their ideas too abrupt or challenging.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Big Thinkers may be rude, critical of others or rebellious.
Under extreme stress, Big Thinkers can become preoccupied with unimportant details and lose sight of the 'big picture'.
Big Thinkers may ignore important details in their plans and overlook the impact their ideas have on the people around them.

Big-Thinker Careers
The entrepreneurial spirit of the Big Thinkers often leads them to seek new challenges; this is often more important to them than working in a particular field or a specific career.

WOW.......

well there are some parts of the thing is real ....

but all i can say is f**k lah yes we know what kind of person we are and the overall thing is you just got to do what you got to do ...

The Banana Have Spoken

Well..... So Far

2005-09-08T16:48:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

Well...... So Far.....

normal i can... well acutally very boring .... and normal ... everythings seem to be like a routine... i wake up go to attachment... wed go to judo training ... friday go to judo training ... no that i dont like judo training ... but its the routine ... ahhhh boring !

can't help it ... Baoling is studying hard for exam (Jia You dear),
the rest of the judo club are mostly studying for exam
me mates .. Tyler and Porky are doing their own studying ....

Damn am i the only one not studying?!

well at least the training stops for like 2 weeks ! oh Great no judo too?! lol

this really shows how limited your life can be ...

does it means more DOTA for me? hrm as much as i like that damn game..... i got to get a decent thing to do ... maybe some hobby like paint a picture or something.... hahha
well its time to hit the dvd player and watch me some films

wait wait

those about activities are not me!
i am Ay Deng ! i dont do stuff like that i got things to do ! my final report is due next week.

damn time really flies when your work piles up like mount everest.

well my attachment is soon over thats where the fun being !

its like ages since i am able to really enjoy a holiday ... well this maybe the last holiday where i am going have as a student...

after that its joining the work force of singapore!!! yae.......

so its training training and training

well i am getting fat so ... take this time to sweat my ass off and do what i like best ....

The Banana Have Spoken!

Boring day 2

2005-09-06T17:13:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks!

Boring Day 2

Well i am bored i am bored .....

today morning - wake up go work
today afternoon - stone
today afternoon - stone some more ......

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

The Banana Have Split!

Buddies night!

2005-09-04T15:44:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks!

What a night....

Well its like 3 30 in the afternoon, i just woke up hahaha cannot feel part of my body damn still tired !

well its no wonder as i just got home around 8 + in the freaking morning! hhahahahaa

well its kinda one of those nights where you have good fun.

for those who know me. i dont club or drink so its not those piss drunk nights hahahaa.

well this was what happen:

yesterday night i was playing dota cause no ones free to hang out with (my ling ling was working ) things were starting to turn sleepy. Tyler called up to say wanna hang out at some pub..... i was quite rejecting the idea cause i am saving up money for some other stuff... but still agreed to go along as its a saturday night and freaking hell not going to stay home to play dota . as much as i like the game but i am still a normal human hahahaa.

well we met up at city hall mrt station... freaking hell i saw a bunch of guys saying good bye ! not that hugging good bye is no okie but they were hugging in a womans way.... so we all guess lah.....hahahaha

we then took off to mohd saltan to check out this club sound bar . well thats what he wants to go as what he heard the club's kinda neat

the reason for him to ask me hang out was the previous event got cancelled and dont wanna go out with tomas to some night club ... so he ask me out....

tyler you prick! i play second fiddle?! F**k lol

Well we started walking around the whole club area trying to find a decent place to hang out during that part i intro him to this joint call the book club, a place where serene intro to me. he liked it, gives him a study feeling LOL!!!

As we got to the sound bar .. we called porky to hang out ... usually when its late he would usually skip it. but very surprise! he said okie . after his dota games at a lan shop he will come look for us.

well tyler wanted to go get a fag so we went to a convient store. damn no nets ! so we have to go to the nearest ATM to draw money .... guess what its at UE square! f**k! so far!

okie nevermind ... so we walked back sultan and as we reach the ATM. We were like f**k it lah forget about going back to the sound bar lah not worth the walking back....

ended up at clake quay's TCC we talked about shit load of stuff ... until porky and binghua came .

Well we talked about stella's issue lol and how we laugh about how porky gave tyler advices while he is drunk!

Well lets just say tyler just took the advice and went stright ahead (Damn you porky! hahahaha)

well the result is not that bad as i just described... well to me i think the current thing to do is damage control. lay low for a while and be friendly.

i happen to bump into priscilla, the vice-capt of the kayaking team at the TCC that night.

after all those crapping at TCC we decided to go to the good old prata shop at outram for some bite. i ordered a nice plate of mee goreng (sorry dear but i didnt have a decent dinner) we joined up table with porky's dota clan whom happens to be there after the lan dota battle.

well some of the people the i knew from secondary.. as much ask i know them there there are one or two of them i dont want to give a shit about.... i don't wanna name them.... so being a noob (newbie) dota player myself, i could catch some of the things they said. This is the time where i try to leach some dota tips ... well the first thing i found out is i need to own in the Bnet world before i can join the ranks of porky & co. well its just a game to me lol so i will just want to own in the Bnet thats all hahaha. As for Tyler who never played dota before was just sitting there trying to understand WTF were they talking about... lol seems to me he has gotten interested....

After that porky suggested to tyler to go to his place to drink beer and hang out.... and talked about the stella issue... well as tired as i was i decided to tag along ... well i really dont want to feel left out among the 3..

first is buy beer
second is walk up to the small slope
third is into the apt and up to his home

there porky showed how dota was played to tyler... well its time to pick up a few tips from him as well lol.

follow that we went to the hall opened the beer. well i was not drinking so i just relax there and enjoy the smoke that the 2 blow out lol.... well its like a monthly or foremonthly thing that we do.
3 good friends sitting around talking and updating....

first we talked about stella . follow by porky's 1 week long love relationship with vivian...

it seems like compare to his previous love for 5 years, this 1 week relationship really made him grew and understand what he wants ! wow!

well he seem happier now .. a more joyful friend . which is a good thing...

well throughout the night, we also talked about what first impression we give to other people.

Porky - Gives a bit playboy playboy image but yet a very confident feel
Tyler - Gives a cannot be serious image ( he is working on that now)
Me- The stren and angry look when i dont smile/a from all boy school look (WTF?!)

well guess whose the ogre now! lol !
well i really don't people to look at me like that. makes people want to keep a distance's from me lol as if i am gonna kill them and eat their children ! lol

well during the talk ... i found that the reason we are good friends its cause we have different lifestyle and unrelated girlfriends and stuff....

i mean we go out living out on our own life ... then come together to hang out ... like a buddy session.

we played a personalilty test, how we see each other as.
if i was not wrong there was sky, lake, sports car, wind , small farm, cloud and more ...

Tyler chose cloud for porky and small farm for me
Porky chose wind for me and cloud for tyler
i choose the sports car for both of them .

well in the end i was actually hating them.... well no lah i don't hate them just maybe envy.
on the hate list i got a full name list liao and believe me they are not on the list.

well i know that they 2 were idealist... total different from me.. well to me life .. is like simple... i want things to be simple and stuff so safe... where they want exciting lifestyle and always want to push the danger button.....

risk takers....
sounds new to me.....
some times i ask myself do i want to be a risk taker too?

well you know what? it's 8 something in the morning ! lol
i couldn't believe we talked so much in a whole night?

The Banana Has Spoken!

Bored

2005-09-02T14:08:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks!

Bored To Tears!

Well i am so F**King bored now in the office... well there ARE stuff for me to complete but due to the lack of superivors on my back today( due to on leave and off ), i just simply hack care....
Just received an e mail from my boss who is off today! Damn it man even on your off day you still want to hunt me down with work!

Thinking of not coming to work tomorrow sat .... had been coming to work on sat for the past 2 weeks to make up for the time offs i took.... F**k it not decided not to come... no bosses on sat anyway....

well theres the "NEW" DVD player my dad got for only 30 ! well the reason for such a price cos its a display set from courts .
Ah Ya can play dvd can liao

So bring out the Pop Corn and Beers !

finally able to see a decent dvd on the TV instead of a PC monitior.....
SOOOOOO Sharp!

Now i am trying to convince my boss to let me off early today to slack off.....

The Banana Has Spoken!

Wah!

2005-09-01T15:26:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

Wah Finish

Wah i cannot believe it i finish a simple instruction guide for my database program.... with in a day !
well say simple but a lot of instruction have to be place in words..
thats the bad part
i can explain to the people how it works and stuff but when it comes to writing a guide ....DAMN!

i salute those books for dummies people!

to teach a person in words is no easy task!

somemore the usage of picture is also a lot of work - copy and paste so many time i felt like sleeping!

The Banana has spoken!

Green Belt But Green Lvl?

2005-09-01T08:59:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks!

Green Belt But Green Level?

Well i should be happy today cause just finished my judo grading yesterday.
but i am not .....
by the rank i am a 3rd kyu judoka.
but my skill is no where near there.. it really saddens me as i couldn't even get a full ippon these days in normal randori...

FYI for those who donno judo
Randori = Free sparring or free play.

i must train.... really must...

i alway told the rest of the judokas junior than me:
you must make your worth of your colour belt.

so for me i must set an example...
to make my colour belt worth ...
let that belt be worthly of me....

After the training we went to the mac in the campus to have dinner.
i went to sit with ah tan, jane, YZ and WS to talk a bit of cock
i told jane i i should stop cracking sex jokes cause its not good for the image.

WHAT IMAGE? hhahahahaahaha

well she wanted to hear the jokes..... er....

i was like er..... you sure anot ?

well then Kenneth asked me to tell her
the pick mushroom joke
the Red army joke
and the famous 30 men and 1 women on an island joke.

She laugh until no ones business! shit i feel like villian liao hahaha telling a young girl sex jokes!

well dont look at me with that look hehehee
well its no my fault hehehe she seems to like the jokes what!

well at least i feel even by cracking a couple of low graded jokes can make the dinner quite fun
better than making a fool out of your self to make people laugh right?

The Banana has Spoken!

Improvenments! Sigh

2005-08-31T11:04:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks!

Grading Day / Improvement Day

Todays Grading day for me well going for my green belt....

Its suppose to be a fun day for me as i am going to another level of my judo....

but the end point is that i really need to train more harder to let my green belt worthly

if not all would be worthless ... its not about winning people in Randori .. but to able to learn the art of judo.... for so long i am still stuck at the hard core image i gave to the rest....

i want to break out of the Makikomi, well as much as i like that move but i will be rank as a same lvl as a strength using yellow.

even though i am going to be green.... the level of skill is not yet there ... i am not like jason's level when he was green...

i guess i must start to listen to others liao ....

Impovement wise is not about judo... its my project..

My goodness ... my project is so flawed......

and some more i got less than a month to complete that damn thing! Its gonna be a long and hard month.

Well the AEs at the fab really gave a lot of comment and feedbacks on the system....

well i find it hard to swallow when they commented hard on the program that i slave my ass off for....

but some how i have to listen to it as it will improve me ... may be hard to swallow but still have to accept the facts and must work on them.

Well i really looking forward to having a long and relaxing holiday after this attachment.... well its been a really long time since i had a holiday. I really need a time when i can wake up late for a week stright hahahaaha... call me lazy but i do have the right to do what i want hehehe.... maybe take this time to go to the zoo again hehehe or better take jess to the underwater world that i promise i really have to fuill as it was like months since i made that promise....

But now all i can do is to complete what is given to me and complete it before i go jalan jalan in the holidays !!!!

Cheers

The Banana Had Spoken!

Bo liao

2005-08-30T15:15:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks

A Bo Liao Day at office

well as you can see i am really bo liao now. so bo liao that i went to do another robot name thing .....

Almost there ....

2005-08-30T13:04:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks.

Almost There.

Its going to be sept tomorrow ... Finally Sept ! the reason of such happiness is because y attachment is finally coming to an end ... well soon .... well actually a month time... end of sept. But hey 1 month is very short right? just a blink of an eye and here a month....

well i plan to go on 1 months training program to at least get back a bit of shape. I have to admit i have gone FATTER.... not bigger but fat! sigh well it seems like a thing for all attachment students to get fat. Even my fellow attachment mate, Ben, gain a couple of kgs too. Well maybe is due to stress and lack of exercise. hahaha.

My Grading is tomorrow.... well am i nervous? dont think so ... well its just basically katas so shouldn't be much of a problem. hehee (COCKY)

My project is more or less done hehehehe so happy, the best thing is that my boss is not that naggy now. i guess i gave him what he wanted.

To me the end product is the what matters.

almost there ..... almost there.......

YOU INSENSITIVE MAN !

2005-08-29T23:34:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks!

YOU INSENSITIVE PERSON ~!

Well dont worry its not about anyone but me....

well i thought to myself when i was out of national service i would mature...

i thought i was .....

well seems to me i am not ....

same old me...

Well went out with tyler the other night and he was talking about his ex and how shitty things are currently ....

well it was a simple i need a ear to listen session from a good buddy....

but all i did was bla bla about how i felt about his situation.....

how insensitive is that ......

well he did tell me thats the reason why Porky dont really tell me about his stuff ...

well when it comes to a stage where 2 of your best friends feels that you are not someone to talk to about your feelings .... this really sucks and sad .... very sad cause these are the guys that can help me .....

no feeling can discribe .... well it really makes you remember back the times when we talk about my problems they just listen .... they never say much.....

thats real friends ...

ME? the moron of the 3 is just a bla bla ..... with this character of mine no wonder people would take you seriously not to even tell you their deepest feelings.....

to proof this pt even more in a place where i love to be the most... i seem to have branded my self as a loud speaker... loud speaker of just meaningless noise.....

i thought i gain some respect but i am wrong ... well... this really stinks ....

i feel its simply me talking at the wrong time .... and talk rubbish ....

this is just one of the examples of my insensitive.....

well when your gf tells you " SHUT UP ! You dont understand how i feel now! Just Leave me alone"

Basically means you insensitive pig ! eat shit and die !

the worst thing is she just give you back the cute little flower you just gave her.....

Strike 3!

out!

Its back to the bench......

i am really down seriously ..... this banana has really gone bad

I always believe when 1 person say your a jerk ... maybe its cause he or she is against you.
But when more than 1 person thinks that way .... Damn..... you need to think about it...

First Taste of Dota Bnet

2005-08-28T03:43:00.000+08:00

The Banana Speaks!

First Taste of Dota Bnet:

The Taste.... Like shit .... I got owned damn man! So owned i felt disgusted lol ! Well at least i know how to use 2 chars Skeletion King and Centuar ... Both are simple chars well... to be honest is Idiot proof chars only need to use at most 2 buttons lol. well the games kinda fun possible of a addiction lol .. will try to not play that much if not jess will be screaming at me lol .... its so tiring now lol think should stop here and play DOTA !!!! lol!

It a saturday for crying out loud!

2005-08-27T15:32:00.000+08:00

The Banana speaks!

Shit ! its 1534 hr in a seem to be nice saturday... but its the second time i am stuck here in chartered ! its all karma .. for never turning up for work for like 4 days.... this is the payback i get . 4 saturdays burn..... its so reminded me of guard duty at camp on a saturday... Crappy! but in a camp at least you just stone there like a moron... but i have to get my project finished by monday ! oh oh its so kick ..... kick in the nuts that is .... well the only pleasure i have is to find a decent looking blog skin.... kinda like this banana shit .....(Lame O!). Well at least i going home later for some Dota ... provided jessica is not free after the training at the Orchard mandrian. aching all over due to the training yesterday. But come to think about it, i didn't do much yesterday. Such a big headache ahhhh this stupid project! Seriously i feel that my attachment here is like a cleaner .... the only thing i can write in my weekly report is house keeping.

Oh FYI
housekeeping = Clean up the place .

I do a cleaner's work... Hey Bosses! i am here to be a attachment student not a cleaner!

seriously all the things i learned was almost by myself. sigh at least i learned access.

so proud of learning something from scratch... and i mean really from scratch.

the most sad this is that i learned from a dummies book...

thats right Microsoft Access 2003 For Dummies.

yes it makes me look dummy . at least i got my project done.

Well i really don't know the path i seek now is really what i want...

one of the engineer suggest we all go to gym and train for a couple of years then wait until 2009 where the IR in singapore opens we can pimp our ass off .

Fuck..... crazy lol

i rather be the pimp....

Robot!

2005-08-27T00:24:00.000+08:00

Boring day.....

2005-08-24T16:46:00.000+08:00

Well its an average day, my boss ask me to label the whole rack SHIT! but still have to do it .. sigh... well the fun thing was that my boss's son was brought to this world. birth is such a wonderful thing... well from a man's pt of view is .... oh shit ! need to work my ass off to buy milk powders and dipers !

the son's name is Gabriel... well i did heard him saying this name before but never really expected him to give his son this name. Well Gabirel sounds nice has that soft but yet strong feeling.

other then a birth of a child to this world the rest of the day seem like a mono tone drama .......... boring......................................

Thank you........

2005-08-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

Well tomorrow i am stepping do the post as president of the judo club liao... well some pple ask me am i happy cause Finally i am out of the miserly. but well to tell the truth i am have mix feelings.

i found some thing that other than basketball , that i love .

well i feel that i failed a challange . a challange to let the judo club be one of the biggest martial art club in NYP... hahaha too big of a challange?

well to be the truth i was blinded for a while . i got lost.

but only lately i begin to know that i was wrong.

i admit i didnt do a good job at the post given to me and here i here by apoligise for my wrong doings. and hope all can be forgiven.

well i now think i can focus on training liao as i know i am not up to standard. i miss the tough training i had the sweat i have.... now maybe i can do it with the real passion.

well i have to thank Sensei Stephen, Sensei Francis, Sensei Romain for your guidences in my path of judo. i will try to learn more from your guidence in judo.

thanks to Senpai Ling Fong for giving me the tough training when i was in yr 1.

thanks to Senpai Wei Siong for guiding me along the training i learn a lot from you. i hope i can learn more from u.

To Jason , a good friend of mine in the dojo and outside. i learn a lot from you . and thank you for enlight me when i am lost . well your right. just do what u can bo chap other thing and dont think wat people say i thank you for that. hope we be buddies for time to come.

I thank all the year 2s

Anthony,
HuiShan,
Micheal,
Kenji,
Lilies,
Allen,
Weisiong,
Wilson,
YaoZong,
Kenneth,
AhTan,
Lynn,
SoonPoh....

thank you for your support

for all your jokes and training. i hope if there is any bad stuff between us i hope we can just throw it behind us . all good friends right?

to jessica my gal my love . thank you for the support u given me. hope we can train judo together more!

Thank you Dennis for helping me out for some activity i always look upon u as a good friend to help me when i needed it . I thank your again.

Thank you Wanee Ivan Felicia Peishan for the support when i am in post.

To the yr 1s i am sorry that i cant be there for all the training coz i am on attachment. i always hope i can spent more time with u guys to train together . i know i am some times a bit lame and loud well life is suppose to be fun. being a bit lame when your with a bunch of friends y not right? i hope i can spend more time in training with all u guys!

i am sorry if i left any one out in this . if i do i am sorry.

all u guys i thank you again for the support and hope all of us can expand the club more ! and spread all the love of judo the art of judo to all !

I like Judo

2005-08-07T05:00:00.000+08:00

Well i do like judo but some how i have disgrace it. By not training hard enough for it. These 1 year i have been blinded by some thing which have me let down on the sport other than basketball that i have love. I thought i could do it but seems to me i have not done the best. but hey! i am only human... but now i have to find my path ... personally.... work....... and of coz the passion that i had when i touch this sports...

Soka YCF!

2005-07-17T01:22:00.000+08:00

Well the first half of the day was like so sleepy and blur ... really didnt know what was going on. only know i was going to the YCF . well to be honest .. i wanted not to go . trying to find reason. but cannot , well partly my sister was performing and my mom is going to . took a nap at 3 wanted to wake up at 4 was about to go to knock off my mom knocks the door asking me to buy 4 D. seriously i dont mind buying 4D for her but do u really have to wake me up in a nap to do it?
sigh

well woke up took a bath then went down to have a bite and went to the YCF which was at toa payoh stadium where the table tennis is held.

but ........ i would regret if i didnt went really.

when i saw the YCF performance i was so overwelmed... the perfromance was so full of energy.

every one seem to have the endless energy aura around them...

some thing i have been missing..........

really make your mind go thinking .........

Sorry.... ? Dont be...

2005-07-11T13:20:00.000+08:00

Well jess left the club.. well she said sorry to leave us. but i wish her good luck to do what ever she wants to do after this. Well we cant always stop people from leaving. for good reasons , for bad reasons, we have to let go.

really makes u think huh. makes u finally feel that when there is a beginning , there is an end. no such things as forever.

Birth, Age, Illness and Death.... everything in this world is a cycle.

just a year ago i thought i was going some where when i became "Boss" i tried to make the best make everyone comfy and stuff. try to make people feel right at home.

My motto was:

"Every ones here is family."

But how true was that?

Amy, Jamie, Jialing, Peishan, Felicia, Alfien, Jessica, Eunice, Micheal, Bella.....

they left..

everyone has reasons.

its irony really that when every time i said this sentence. The sentence is not justified at all.

Really makes you think huh.....

Am i not doing enough to make my motto justified?

Some times it really bring you down.

Maybe i am no leader..

i always want to act like a leader. but yet u have to admit.
if your a worker bee your a worker bee... you cant be the queen bee.
acting doesnt help.

when i was in army , i respect my srgent Stan now a good friend of mine. Hes one of those where people will just accept his stuff with a good amount of respect. its just a aura maybe?

the a leader has an aura

a aura that makes everyone as one.

but a worker bee like me can only work.

always think that putting a lot of effort would get you some where... well its true if your living in the 1940s to 60s

but now... its rubbish. not relievent

maybe i am too old school liao bah. hahaha well old school would not do u any good nowadays.

well being a good leader / being a bad leader.... it doesnt matter to me now anymore.......

Cause in this world, day by day it gets more and more complex.

you are not a unique snowflake

So there is no need to be sorry

if you feel no regret ... means you made a right move...

i can't believe it

2005-07-02T02:12:00.000+08:00

wat has the chinese sayig of respect to senior or elder. wat iswrongwith this gen?
if u ask me questions feel free to ask. i will tell u wat i know and how i feel about the question i will give support to the ans. but if u are to question my ans. for wat ask me the question at the firstplace right?
by question my ans to you means u question my pt of view . are u trying to get on my nerve? if u are in my shoe would u feel good?
for wati would waste my time answering your question if u question it? if u question it... get a second view lah dont slap the ans i give u kindly back in to my face! is a respect from a human being toanother one
as simple as that.

Sigh ...

2005-05-02T21:03:00.000+08:00

Sigh okok so i was a bit rush ....

maybe the though of my dad's accident is cause by reckless driving really pissed me off and starts toking about women cant drive . for that i am sorry..

immmuture think in my part , my bad~
but hey no ones perfect!

for me i'm just a bit rush..anger's fucked up the mind...

but that doesnt make me a lousy person right?

well i always tell my self i'm still young shit happens

but i just reliese i am 25 next yr god damn 5 yrs more i am 30?!

what have i done for the past 25?
i dont think i have matured
dont think my folks nor my sister thinks i am 24
more like 17

hrm..... this kind of question really makes u think huh?

well the only thing i understand all these while is respect is to be earned well it seems that i am not doing well enough to earned it

my peers would think that i am a joke hahahaa

well i do try my best
when i look back 5 to 6 years ago ......... i was a joke!
well now ... still a joke but a mild one....
but hey thats not the point ... i am still a joke hahaah a joke is a joke
cant i escape that?
a chinese saying " a leopard can't change its spot" lol !
my peers dont respect me cause of the past conduct i gave them ....
well its true it really hard to change people's view about yourself once you screwed up lol.....
sad truth
aydeng would still be aydeng
allan would still be the same old allan

cant change it one

once your a disgusting, lame , bored person.... your one forever hahahaa

well ya i am still those things .... but i milder now dont people notice it? hahahahaa
okie maybe the weight is still here hahahaa

WHAT THE FUCKS WRONG WITH U?

2005-04-30T14:05:00.000+08:00

A couple of hrs ago, my dad had an accident with a fucking bitch female driver! She dashes the red light and her car knocked in to my dad's bike!
Use knee cap would also know red light should stop!
Lucky me dad's lucky thank Buddha that the car crash into his back didn’t hit him straight on the side of not I couldn’t even imagine what would happen!
Fucking bitch had drunk some alcohol she scared her shit out.
I am pissed really pissed. No wonder I couldn’t sleep well just now.
What was that fucking bitch ass driver was thinking! Dashing the red light like no one else business!
She is lucky my dad’s Okie and only asks for compensation for the bike, medical fee and his new hp. if it was me I would really give her one time jia lat jia lat. These kinds of people always Irresponsible only when really kana shit like this then they scared! Really pisses me off and usually these people are the more high educated people!

So does it means being high educated in Singapore makes you more bo chap? I am also going to be a diploma grad I am still responsible for the things I do! I am educated ah but how come I still follow rules. This really shows a flaw in the Singapore. Pisses me off......Makes me Sick......... FUCK!

WTF!

2005-04-29T11:26:00.000+08:00

Well i finally got my wish to go on a 6 months industrial attachment at chartered semiconductors. the people here are rather friendly . seems to me every one here is busy ! .. busy answering e mails and going to the clean room dressing up like space man... well its the first week of the attachment damn its boring ! other then dressing up like a spaceman its stoning !
god damn enggineers are boring ! oh shit i am going to be one in the future ! sigh its going to be damn boring life. only the first week i already wanna kill myself! All i can look for is the weekends, no wonder working people mostly go clubing and shit. damn life is boring at this point of time ! i am so bored in the office that i got time to write my blog! well the only good this is the attachment pay. its the money that keeps me going. well i can now proof that most of the people dont like their jobs. they do it just because that they want the money.

just yesterday i went to find dennis to ask him teach me how to use microsoft access ( coz of project). found out that he is getting a job. well which is good in my pt of view as he has been self employed for like almost a yr and needed extra finance to support his venture. well now it seems, his venture is now being converted to Part- Time . its times like this where u need to bend or change in order to survive in this city. as for me, the current prior is to finish this attachment and get my diploma. well all seems to be boring........ but hey ! at least my Birthday's coming hehehe!

sigh choices.

2005-03-06T01:04:00.000+08:00

things are getting crazy all the time in my family. its great that my sister got 9 points for her o lvls finally a relieve in the family. But yet another problem comes the choise of JC. i personally dont mind what JC she goes to she stayed at SAJC for the first 3 months she was happy there.. maybe she wants to stay there but yet she doesnt know if she wants to stay or not in SAJC. well with 9 points she can go to NJC TJC VJC all the good JCs. She says she wants to stay at SA so stay lah i personally dont mind as i cant tell her what to do about that as its her future i only can advice her.

same like me i had to choise my elective for my third yr ... wafer or automotion. well i am also stress coz its going to affect my future. well i have to choice the one that i can get a job with better pay. well i am not young any more. time it ticking away ..... i cannot dream anymore.. now dreams are like past for me ... for me to regret when i am old .. i have to fill my stomach ... in a place like singapore, filling up your own stomach is far more important that dreams .. you cant find food without money ... dreams are for people with rich base etc eric koo... kenny yap...

there are only 1 in a million like sim wong fu the creative founder, whoses from rags to riches...

now uni is far from me as i have to get a diplmoa first .. if i have the money then i would go ... well unless strike Big Sweep 2 million singapore dollars, i have to stop dreams and be real......

I ran ........... i ran ....... i ran ......... but it caught me.........

2005-01-28T01:49:00.000+08:00

28th Janurary 2005 1250am

i suddenly changed to my running gear...... i just ran .... just ran ......... as if something is chasing me
so i ran keep running but the feeling was great escaping from that thing just run the wind in my face .... so nice so good so calming ........... but then i stopped ... i walked home from the place i stop i tot that thing was gone ....... when i was reaching home i cried ......... cried like a lost child who was missing in a lonely place where no one was around ........ i just cried ..................... tears just came
i cried like a baby i wanted to find some one to hug some one to come to me and hug me like i was a 1 yr old whom just fell down....................

in my mind i felt i missed a lot of somethings in my life

i missed all the happy things i have in life......... i feel so pain so lonely at that pt of time i want a hug.

i wanted to feel like a small child again

oh how i miss ........

i miss jess kisses when we hug and she saying she loves me .......
i miss tyler my best friend jioing me out to hang out and do stupid things and we always laugh .......
i miss the times me and my dad go fishing ............
i miss my mother's cooking and she being around the house and us toking ...........
i miss my sister's inncoent look and laugh when she was just a baby as i was playing with her ..........
i miss my judo .... the judo that i would not need to be entangled ..........
i miss my judokas when they were screaming judo all together and how they really love it ........
i miss my times at chinese new year ..... the time where i was always looking forward for new clothes............
i miss my army friends whom i always hang out at night at the coffee shop ...............
i miss my classmates whom we study at the library when free taking pictures together...........
i miss my lecture mates whom we tok and joke and go out even though we not in the same class........

i cried i sat at the grass and cried ........... i really really really miss all those things ...........
i really do wish that they would all come back to me .................... i am now trap in a place where its dark and lonely and no one to tok to ........................

I have no respect under my name

2004-10-31T22:40:00.000+08:00

31th Oct 2004 , 10:18pm windy night

am i a man...? i do wonder sometimes do i have balls .... i just want to have happy situation around me .... i may be the older of the 2 but yet i have no respect whatsoever . why having a mindset of being simple and wants no trouble mean no respect in the family ... i do all i can for the family i love my family but i have no respect... i maybe lazy but not useless... i may not be wise but not stupid .... i dont deserve being look down upon like a fool a useless fool ... i maybe big built but yet weak inside i want to be a gentle person .... i dont like fights i dont like qurrels within does that mean i have no respect from people whom are close to me? i may do foolish things once in a while but not stupid things to hurt people ... i am being look down upon by someone whom acheive more than me which when i was at that age cannot acheive so? does that give me no right to be equal to him or her? it burns .... it hurts .... it slice me straight in half ..... i am a human ! i got feelings i am not a servant who just buys dinner home .... imagine u are like a blanket when the user feels cold u are useful if not your just a cloth.

doesnt mean i dont do certian things in front of people doesnt mean i never do them .
do i have to show these people that i do that? what do u feel? do u think its right? do i have to show them that?

I have lost all my esteem in my name i am nothing than a runner in the surname. A big overgrown brainless servent whose self esteem can be step upon... i am worthless in my surname. i dont get respect cause i didnt study well and make mistake .... NO ONE'S PERFECT!
doesnt mean your a couple of level above others gives u the rights to laugh and insult others!

i had enough ....

i feel like a condom .... throw upon use ..

i have no respect under my name.....

Look Whose back Back Again!

2004-10-30T11:02:00.002+08:00

Oct 30 2004, 10:48 am , light

HEYA!
finally i am back in my blog i know its been a long time since i wrote my blog but damn! These few weeks has been a horror for me Reports, test , exams ! shit man i gain a damn lot of weight (sigh) Jess has been making comment that i have gotten fat (alot) sigh i was also sad to hear that cause i always gain a lot of weight when i am in this period .... well how that i am trying to take in less meat less carbo and run more , going to the gym more so that at least i could shead some of the fats off for crying out loud ...... sigh i guess its boiled chicken without skin and plain water well its rather hard for me cause i just simply love food!
Living in Singapore isnt easy man ! Its a food paradise here man the nasi lamak, the hor fan , the claypot rice , the pratas ........ Damn man! but i have to contol i wouldnt want to have a heart attack or high blood pressure .... have to start training too coz i am no orange belt for my judo and IVP is coming ! damn i still hunting for my gold!

Damn another injury!

2004-09-30T14:03:00.000+08:00

30th Sept 2004 1.45 pm Cloudly Day.

Yesterday was raining heavy i was about to go for judo training i was quite fired up so a 4hr of training as i was walking down the steps near the post office i slipped ! well it sure wasnt a pretty sight, it happened so fast that the next thing i knew , i was on the floor of a wet and dirty floor ! well that place really quite a haszad when it rains ..... well i can tell one thing the office people really didnt help much ..... there was this indian old man that helped me up ....
well i did went to school with pain on my ass! i had to do a couple of stuff before i can have a rest this was where i relise i couldnt train for the day (damn it)
well i told jess that i had to skip training to go see a doc (she wasnt feeling that well too ... headaches) and i had to go back ... she decided to accompany me to see the doctor .. i asked if she really wanted to do that cause i know how she wanted to train.... she said that i accompany was more important .... i was so touched and guilty at the same time .... she told me its the first time that she ever stop doing something she liked and accompany someone..... at that time i felt like kissing her .... hugging her......
but when we got to SGH the clinic was closed ! (Damn it) so we had to go to my place and see the doc the next day.... she helped me put some med on my back....
she was so sweet and gentle ....... that makes me like her even more ..... sweetie thank you!

well today i went to the clinic for a x ray. lucky it was just a bruise ! meaning i can take my orange belt grading next week! hahahaha cool !

Lunar Moon Fest

2004-09-29T01:57:00.000+08:00

29 Sept 2004 1.47 am warm night.

Well tonight was the lantern fest my gal and her classmates planned a outing at the bishan park to "Shang Yua" Damn today was tuesday where i had night class ... i promise my sweetie that i was going to be with her tonight coz its the first big fest since we are together and of coz must be there no matter what well lucky bishan park was near NYP .... after class ended around 930 pm i dash out of the class, my classmate called and said i forgot to hand in a report (so forgetful!) well lucky i was only about to go into the lift (lol)

Well took a cab to bishan park wow ! didnt know bishan park was so huge! lucky jess told me they are near the part of the park oppsite of the BP station ...

We took a little lantern and walked around the park but it was cloudy ... so didnt get to see the full moon much but i was happy .... so happy...... as we holded hands with a lantern in her hand ... walking along the pond side watching pple playing with fire sparkers and lanterns .... things was so peaceful....... we even sang a bit of oldies hehehehee......... so happy..

even time was very little cause she needed to go home before 12 ... and even we only spent 45 mins of the night togther ..... i feel it was like .... life couldnt be more happy..... i hope jess felt the same way too .... right sweetie?

I made a promise that i will bring her to bishan park again next year for lantern fest........

The day of sugar and spice....

2004-09-26T00:37:00.000+08:00

26 Sept 2004 12.10 am warm night.

Well on 25th Saturday was full of memories (happy ones)
Jess was with me the whole day well i took her to have tanjong pargar's famous nasi lemak as promised (lucky it was opened)
when i met her in the morning oh dear her lips was so white and so pale ! it hurts my heart to see her like that....
Well after nasi lemak i guide her to the steps where it was near the flower shop..... cos i planned to give her flower... i chose the orange sunflower cos i knew that she likes light bright colours and how i felt what she means to me .....

mushy right? hehehehe well i dont care! as long she and i are happy

everything was so ..... happy unbelieveably happy!

everytime i hold her hand and she holds mine.....

but there are a bit of sadness in it ........ she know's i was going to someone's birthday someone whom i had a crush on a couple of yrs ago..... she said that i fall for one too easily ....... at that point i felt crush ......... crush that i still didnt gain my baby's trust and confident..... i felt like crying ....... but i was determind to show her that she is the only one in my mind and heart now ... the one and only! but she says that she's scared that i would fall for jody again ... and she would lost me .... baby you are not gonna lost me ! no where even near of losing me cos i like you so much !

the other thing was that she cried cos of a misunderstanding comment made by my best fren tyler ... which was meant for me not her .... i felt like a failure that i made my girl cry ... i was so helpless ..... i didnt do well as a bf role of not making my gal drop any tears....

but today was one of those sugar and spice plus everything nice days....
i want this kind of day to be everyday !

Dear! naan unnai kaathelikkirain!

24 Sept 2004

2004-09-25T02:32:00.000+08:00

25 Sept 2004 2.18am cool night.

Well todays just a normal day loh.... manage to finish one of my projects .... damn tired to sit in front of a pc doing nothing but 3D machine stuff!(BORING) .... Damn my ass hurts... Well my day is very happy cause i was with my dear Jess the whole evening ..... well in judo training that is well i hope i'm not giving her any pressure...........but i will be behind her in training even if i cannot teach her any thing at least i can be with her in training .......... well training was cool (if u count letting ridhwan throwing you is fun ) wilson and ah tan came and had a few rounds of bout with me lol (long time nvr throw people liao hehehee)
but one things for sure i really need to buck up on my skills in judo.... slack too much liao!
JIA YOU!!!!!

UPs & DOWNs....

2004-09-21T13:22:00.000+08:00

21th Sept 2004 1.13pm Rain

Well this whole week has been ups and downs for me .... but i am willing to accept what i am having cause i want to .....
My friends told me they were happy for me .... some said are you sure? but i dont care whether it's good or its bad as long that i am happy .... and she's happy its doesnt matter what's gonna happen in the future.... I DONT CARE ... the main thing now is that she's happy and i am happy..............
there is nothing to be sorry about ............ to me i am happy .............. thats what life is all about .... the only thing that i can control is .... my body...... my mind .......... my heart... my soul...... my liking...... my love for things i like......... my life.......... but i have never felt so happy before ....

Donno.... the taste......Bitter Sweet?

2004-09-13T16:22:00.000+08:00

13 Sept 2004 1.16 pm cool day.

Well i woke up rather aching.... feels that the pain would go forever ...
life changed a lot for me .... really changed a lot .... more happy.... but as all i know in my life whenever there is something good happenin in my life ... after the happy stuff things are gonna get rough .. but this time i am gonna make things happy i will not give up like last time. Such things go in a cycle for me : good time to bad time. i want to break this cycle .....
i want to be happy ... not bitter sweet ... no more bitter sweet...... no more.

Bitter Sweet......

2004-09-08T02:47:00.000+08:00

2.41 am wed 8 Sept 2004 warm night

well finally 2 of my common test is over a big relieve .... but yet i dont feel totally happy ... maybe because i should have done it better ...
well its always like that full of regrets .... do any of you feel regrets ... regrets of thing that your should have done but didnt .. well if everyone have foresights of their life everyone would be rich!
well after a bit of thinkin i feel that life is always bumpy ... always rough but do not feel regrets .. never ever .. if not when you lay on your death bed as you reflect what u have dont when you were living you will go happier.. enjoy and live to the fulliess
well i myself will try to !

What do i want to be when i grow up?.......

2004-09-06T21:46:00.000+08:00

6th Sept 9.40 pm cool night.
What do i want to be when i grow up?.......
this is a very lame but common question that you would hear all the time through out your young life.

the irony is that if your the one who is being asked you would thinks lame but you would still answer that .

But do you really know what your really want to be?
Well most of us havent got a clue cause we are simply too busy keeping out wallet's full with money.
We no longer have the time to really think about it , very sad very.....

Woke up feeling empty........

2004-09-05T11:40:00.000+08:00

11.30 am 5th Sept 2004 ... Bright .

Well woke up this morning feeling ................ fear inside......... emptiness inside............. confused inside............. must be the dream i had ... couldn't remember it ..... but what it left me was pure depression .. and a crying feeling.
As i woke up i said to myself"Damn it man this cannot go on my life cannot be filled with all these fears and emptiness i am still young ! i cant be such a weakling . Even though i wasnt the best i can try being one! .... I cannot be the weakling that i was last time"
i felt like screaming ! ..... Shouting seems to be the only thing that can let my feelings and frustrations out , always feel better after a good shouting. Some how me shouting makes people around me feels that i am agressive ...... well i am agressive when it comes to sports (its an army thing) where i can show passion and respect for the sport i am playing.

I always wish that this passion will go to my life ...

first of all....

2004-09-05T02:47:00.000+08:00

cool my first blog ..... time 2.41 am 5th sept 2004 .....
for the past 1 or 2 years i always feel that blogs are the most stupid thing that has ever been invented well guess i have to eat my words.
Guess i am just want to make myself heard..... let myself out ...... to let people know that i am not just a aggresive look brute (hahaha)......